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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Honey, no. Let go of all of it. It’s ancient history and would be weird to bring up now. Let yourself have peace. Move on.[/quote]

+1 I’m trying to understand why (various!) therapists would advise you to tell him, all these years later, for closure. That’s such poor advice, especially to someone in your situation.  He has nothing to do with your closure, really. He doesn’t possess the ability to give you peace; you have to do that for yourself. You’re projecting on him some ability to heal, or soothe, as if you don’t possess it yourself — but you do.

You made the best choice that you could, at the time. There was no easy, smooth path available and you were so, so young. You have to forgive yourself and move forward. Honor the trauma that you went through, and the way that it’s impacted your life, and world view — that can be managed in a healthy way, as you live in the present with your children, family and loved ones. Maybe volunteer for an organization that has meaning to you, or recognize the empathy you might have for someone going through a difficult time, that you wouldn’t have had if you hadn’t gone through all that you did. Find a way to live in the present.

From the outside looking in, it’s clear that this man wasn’t interested in long-term relationship with you. He made that clear from the beginning. The intensity of your feelings toward him, that you say you haven’t felt since — they weren’t reciprocated. Having the baby wasn’t going to change that. You’ve beaten yourself up all these years with a “woulda coulda shoulda” that is an absolute fantasy. It wasn’t meant to be.

Wishing you peace, OP. You deserve it.[/quote]

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