Reply to White parents: what are you teaching your white preschool age children about racism?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I don't teach my 3-year-old about racism. At this stage, I'm letting her grow in the world as she sees it where people come in all sorts of different colours and we're all just 'same but different'. Same for gender issues - she just sees or experiences girls doing a range of different things and in wide variety of roles, as do boys.

When she's older and starts to understand news or we come across issues, I will explain what's right or wrong and my view of those things.

Right now she hasn't encountered or witnessed racism or racial issues in her life - which I think is a good thing - and I think she's too young to really understand theoretical explanations.[/quote]

You sound like a really loving parent and your intentions are good, but I encourage you to read more about this and what professionals and researchers recommend because they are all really in strong agreement that this is not the best approach as much as it sometimes feels right in our minds. There have been many resources in other threads to start learning about why it’s so important, Your Parenting Mojo has a bunch of podcasts if that feels like a good medium, just search race and start at the beginning of her series (wait is my toddler racist?). It’s all really enlightening and I didn’t realize it before either.

Here is a really simple, good visual on why kids are never too young
http://www.childrenscommunityschool.org/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/theyre-not-too-young-1.pdf  [/quote]

I saw that chart. Here’s the thing: my child plays with all sort of children and has never once mentioned race to me. Part of me wonders whether it’s right to draw her attention to differences before she can understand why I’m doing so. She cannot, at 3 years old, really understand racism. At 5-6 years old—sure. But at 3 years old, if she hasn’t ever mentioned race or showed preference for her own race, I don’t know if it’s productive to draw attention to it when she can’t understand the context. [/quote]

pp here and I hear you - I think at 3 you're just starting the conversations and of course they would get more expansive at 5-6. I can truly understand your hesitation, I think most of us white parents have it. Though your child might not understand racism, but a 3 year old definitely understands fairness. And unfortunately the research seems to show that while your child may not be verbalizing that they notice race, that children very very much ARE noticing at that age and that they start to develop their own reasoning for why there are those differences in the absence of adults having these conversations. So by not drawing her attention to it, you may be letting her start drawing her own conclusions for why she sees more black people serving her food, or homeless on the street. There are lots of ways to go about this that don't involve avoiding it all together.

I thought this was thought provoking on this. It's not exactly what you were saying, but a sentiment I've heard a lot and that many of us feel (innocence etc). I pulled it out so if you want to read the whole thing so that it all goes together it's here https://www.bardsalley.com/do-i-really-need-to-talk-about-racism-with-my-children/:

"Also, let’s think about what we mean by “innocence.” To me, innocence is a child’s innate capacity to see clearly what’s good and what’s fair, without adult rationalizations and excuses for bad behavior.  So, let’s use that capacity to help children recognize racist thinking or behavior early on and fight against it.

Another aspect of maintaining children’s innocence is protecting them from heartbreak.  I certainly understand that impulse as a parent. But children will inevitably experience heartbreak, because it’s part of being human. Do we want their hearts to be broken (i.e. not working properly) by shallowness and self-focus? Or do we want them to experience heartbreak because they are empathic and sensitive to issues of human dignity and injustice?

I also think we underestimate children’s resilience. Children will be upset when they learn about racial injustice and they should be. It’s unfair and inhumane. But children are able to cope with those feelings and, in fact, their idealism and ability to take proactive steps to counter injustice can inspire adults.

If you feel an issue is important enough, you will decide to address it, even if your child may feel some initial discomfort. For example, as parents became more aware of the risk of child sexual abuse, they began teaching their children the names of their private parts and body safety rules. The outcome of greater safety was worth the risk of some child discomfort. Similarly, I believe the outcome of social justice is worth a loss of “innocence.”"[/quote]

I understand. We are Jewish and will need to have that conversion with our daughter at some point as well. I remember the first time I learned about the Holocaust — ALL of my nightmares as a child were about Nazis. We will have to tell her that there are people in this country who want her dead.

I don’t recall learning about any of that before I was 6-7 years old, though.

In any case, I will think more about this and am certainly actively looking for more books to include in our collection that have POC characters and discuss these themes. [/quote]

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