Reply to Luxury Assisted Living No Longer Worth It?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I have decided that none of my elders (parents, in laws, ex husband’s mother) are going into any group care setting unless it is 100% their preference and choice. DH is a hospice doctor and he saw terrible things even in the “best” places and this was before covid! I will take care of them and if I have to quit my job, so be it. I think home is almost always better and certainly more economical. These “luxury” places might smell and look better but I guarantee the staff is not getting luxury pay and underneath they’re all the same. [/quote]

It's a tough call. My FIL, aunt and uncle love their facilities. I have heard a bunch of good stories and only a handful of issues in the nice ones often with family members who were quite difficult. The flip side is when adult children take in the the difficult elder. I know of 2 divorces where they were managing pre-caregiving and post the marriage exploded. I also know quite a few adult children who became very ill (cancer) while dealing with the stress of caregiving and ultimately had to put the loved one in a facilitiy for everyone's health. There are no easy answers, but it certainly is a bit easier when the person is mobile and pleasant.[/quote]

The worst case scenarios BY FAR that I have seen have involved home care environments.  I've seen enough to know that I can not provide care in my home.  [/quote]

I'm not surprised. I know if one case where they thought they were being saviors to mom taking her in and keeping from some "awful" assisted living, despite the fact she had a friend going in to that "awful" place who ended up having a nice 8 years there. Anyone, mom fell when there was no caregiver on duty-a bad one. I won't go into details, but the family they dissolved into siblings blaming the savior for not providing better care and the saviors breaking off contact and feeling quite bitter after sacrificing so much to care for mom and at one point a sibling took legal action. When the care gets challenging enough even with hired help a loved one can burn out and become abusive. At least in a facility you can have a camera in the room, you can hire someone to help you work with the care team and if a person is struggling with your parent, you can get a switch in care team. Plus, they have a peer group. Social lives are important and you cannot be your paren't whole social life-not healthy for anyone.[/quote]

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