Reply to If your parents divorced when you were an adult, was it traumatizing? and if so why?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My parents divorced when I was 25 and my brother was 29.  We were THRILLED.   I can remember them fighting as a little kid, but it was their complete ambivalence/undertones of animosity to each other when I was a teenager that really bothered us.  They didn't fight anymore, but you could tell they would be fine if the other just ceased to exist.  Vacations were strained and forced.  Holidays always had an undertone to them where you just always felt something was "off".

My parents are good people.  I know they tried so hard.to act like they got along and that they were happy.  They tried so hard not to fight in front of us (which probably led to that undertone of animosity).  I used to stress out having them meet new friends or boyfriends.

They are like different people now.   The divorce was amicable and fairly easy.  We are able to have whole family get togethers without that unsettling undertone.  Both my parents are SO much happier.

Obviously my experience is my own and I can't speak for others.  But i so wish they had divorced when I was a kid [/quote]

Exactly this for me. My parents divorced while my sister and I were in college. The first few years were tough, as they basically both moved from our big childhood home to small condos that never really felt like "home" when we visited over breaks. They also resented one another for several years, cut off contact with one another (because with no childcare or support issues, they had no reason to communicate) and were constantly prying us about how the other one was doing.

BUT...after a few years, they found their footing, and were so much happier people. They even reconciled their friendship and were able to enjoy each other's company just fine at a couple of family events (weddings, graduations, etc.). It made me realize that all the fights and arguments from our childhood, and the high-tension quiet strain of parents "trying not to fight," were things that didn't have to be that way. Like you, they were good people whose relationship just didn't work out. If they had decided to try to stay together and kept up the unspoken animosity and lack of love, I don't know that I would have ever married. It was only when they divorced that it dawned on me that their unpleasant version was not the only model of a relationship out there.[/quote]

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