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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote]A couple thoughts here -- empowering a child to share/not share his/her story is important.  There's actually a great program - W.I.S.E Up - put together by the Center for Adoption Education and Support.  But by refusing to discuss any details in response to innocent questions (such as "did you adopt your daughter from China?"), you are not empowering her - you're communicating that the fact of adoption is shameful and should not be discussed.  [b]We share lots about our adoption journey, while also letting DS know that certain aspects of his story are indeed his, are personal, and can be shared/not be shared as he chooses.[/b]Yes, people adopt because they want to be parents, which is a natural motivation.  But by adopting transracially, you are doing a lot more than just becoming a parent.  You're becoming a visible and transracial family.  Attitudes like the OP's show how many homestudies are poorly done - there's a lot to consider in adopting transracially, and it doesn't look like OP did a good job preparing herself.[/quote]

Adoptee/adoptive parent here. Can you give us some examples of what you feel comfortable sharing about your son?

I think there may be some misunderstanding here over what sort of questions people do or don't respond to.  In my personal experience, both regarding myself and my daughter, I've found that seemingly innocent questions quickly turn into very invasive or inappropriate comments.  I am happy to share that my daughter was adopted (though I will insert that into conversations when appropriate and of course don't introduce her as my adopted child), but often the other person starts to ask what happened to her "real parents," why she was "given up," and all sorts of other rude questions.

I don't think adoption is shameful at all! I'm proud to be a supporter of adoption and am happy to tell others how it's touched my life and provided me with so many blessings.  But discussing adoption can lead to many hurtful comments, like a commentary on whether you should've adopted domestically or internationally, accusations of babystealing or baby buying, etc.  It's unclear whether OP is referring to these types of comments or more basic ones.[/quote]

Sure.  We share that we adopted him from the country where he was born.  We share how old he was when the adoption was finalized.  If asked "why did his mom give him up?" (lots of variations on that question), we will say something like "there are a variety of reasons but in general, most kids adopted from Guatemala are placed for adoption due to severe poverty."  With some people, we have shared some information about his biological family (whom we, including DS, have been able to meet).

Because we are open and positive, DS - who in general is very shy - has been able to handle questions about adoption/different types of family very confidently from a young age and has surprised us at times with the sophistication of some of his answers - which sometimes leave a lot of room for different interpretations about his (adoptive) family/biological family -- and which he came up with on his own.

I also strongly believe that "practice makes perfect."  The more we have to answer questions as adoptive parents, the better/more precise our answers get.  When DS was younger, we sometimes gave answers that we weren't happy with in hindsight.  But getting the tough questions enabled us to develop better and privacy-protecting answers, while still being open and matter-of-fact about adoption.[/quote]

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