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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Puh-lease.  This is what you get for listening to a conversation you shouldn't have.  There wasn't anything 'vicious' and it was about his relationship with her, not you - and she's right in one area.  Given the divorce rates, it's not unlikely that you will get divorced.  No matter what happens in your relationship with your DH, she will always be his mother.  She may not be the MIL you'd like but it's what you've got.  Your DH handled it appropriately. Move on.

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Yes she will always be the mother.  But the wife will always be the wife.  Why is there a priority of one over the other.

I think the MIL is vicious.  She is actively trying to get her son to put his wife as less of a priority.  She is interfering in their relationship however the OP being the wife is not interfering in the relationship between mother and son. This is a really twisted and weird way to look at these relationships.  Why get married if you assume you will get divorced and really so what if you do get divorced, shouldn't you have love and commitment while you are married.  Is this mom so threatened that her child will have love with someone else in his life?

Op never trust your MIL again and stay away from her as much as you can.  I wouldn't talk to your DH about it, he handled it fine however with these types of insecure women and MIL's there is no genuine relationship to be had with them, they are unfortunately damaged and there is nothing you can do to win her over.  She is actively undermining your marriage, don't ignore this, she is showing you who she is, telling you that you aren't family to her, acknowledge that to yourself and move on.  [/quote]

But I did kinda interfere by letting DH know I prefer not living with my mother in law, she is a bit controlling and I usually go with her rules around the house because I don't like confrontation. 
DH then told mother in law she is welcome to stay for short visits, but is not a good idea living together forever.

I think my mother in law can not let go of her son because she is divorced, and only has my DH for financial and emotional support.  
I don't understand this type of behavior as well since I do not mind being her financial support, but she is acting as my DH should provide her emotionally support too and as the priority. Sigh. I also don't get the need for her to stay with us permanently after we got married as she was not living with us before we got married.

I 
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Yes and this is what happens when women are immature and can't do things for themselves.  They need someone to do it for them and the sons become their substitute husbands, it isn't healthy.  There is nothing wrong with not wanting to live with your mother in law and if she is like this, I wouldn't let her live with you, she will undermine your marriage.

I know this because my mother in law cannot decide anything for herself.  If she should paint her house, what colour should she paint it, really really simply things and she turns to DH for answers.  If her remote control needs batteries, DH needs to buy those batteries for her as she can't work out what batteries it needs and no she doesn't have dementia or any other cognitive decline.  She is useless and it is so scary that FIL did everything for her and now that he is incapable DH has to step in and fill that role.

It's not that blood family is better, it's that these women are damaged or stunted and they manipulate people because they are desperate and scared they will be left alone and they don't know how they will cope with working out replacing batteries in their TV remote control.  They wouldn't for  a second think to pull themselves together and start doing things for themselves, you can see them physically shrink down, scared when asked a question, they have never had to decide on anything.  It's a really sad way to live.  [/quote]

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