Anonymous wrote:I think it’s fine to mention you heard it, but don’t make it about you. Her attack was on him and not you, and your DH did everything right by standing up for your marriage. Your only role here is to sympathize with and support him, not to demand the reverse.

This. I'm sure this is hard on your DH. Don't make this about you. Your DH did the exact right thing. Don't talk badly about your MIL - this is a journey he needs to go down to separate from her and be more independent. You would have a real issue on your hands had he not defended you and your marriage.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The more OP posts the more I think she is the same person that wrote the post about her husband talking to his mom everyday and having dinner with her twice a month...

jeez...... whats wrong with you? are you my mother in law? i asked you to post the link so i can see what that post is talking about but you wouldn't.
and i live with her, so no we are not having dinner with her twice a month, we are having dinner with her everyday..... and not just my DH, even i am talking to her everyday!

I agree that before we were married, my DH will call her weekly to share things and our plans with her, but ever since she started to live with us, my DH started pulling away not telling her stuff about us or our future decisions. That is why she said he is pulling away from her and being more distant.

Anonymous wrote:The more OP posts the more I think she is the same person that wrote the post about her husband talking to his mom everyday and having dinner with her twice a month...

jeez...... whats wrong with you? are you my mother in law? i asked you to post the link so i can see what that post is talking about but you wouldn't.
and i live with her, so no we are not having dinner with her twice a month, we are having dinner with her everyday..... and not just my DH, even i am talking to her everyday!

The more OP posts the more I think she is the same person that wrote the post about her husband talking to his mom everyday and having dinner with her twice a month...

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Puh-lease. This is what you get for listening to a conversation you shouldn't have. There wasn't anything 'vicious' and it was about his relationship with her, not you - and she's right in one area. Given the divorce rates, it's not unlikely that you will get divorced. No matter what happens in your relationship with your DH, she will always be his mother. She may not be the MIL you'd like but it's what you've got. Your DH handled it appropriately. Move on.

Yes she will always be the mother. But the wife will always be the wife. Why is there a priority of one over the other.

I think the MIL is vicious. She is actively trying to get her son to put his wife as less of a priority. She is interfering in their relationship however the OP being the wife is not interfering in the relationship between mother and son. This is a really twisted and weird way to look at these relationships. Why get married if you assume you will get divorced and really so what if you do get divorced, shouldn't you have love and commitment while you are married. Is this mom so threatened that her child will have love with someone else in his life?

Op never trust your MIL again and stay away from her as much as you can. I wouldn't talk to your DH about it, he handled it fine however with these types of insecure women and MIL's there is no genuine relationship to be had with them, they are unfortunately damaged and there is nothing you can do to win her over. She is actively undermining your marriage, don't ignore this, she is showing you who she is, telling you that you aren't family to her, acknowledge that to yourself and move on.

But I did kinda interfere by letting DH know I prefer not living with my mother in law, she is a bit controlling and I usually go with her rules around the house because I don't like confrontation.
DH then told mother in law she is welcome to stay for short visits, but is not a good idea living together forever.

I think my mother in law can not let go of her son because she is divorced, and only has my DH for financial and emotional support.
I don't understand this type of behavior as well since I do not mind being her financial support, but she is acting as my DH should provide her emotionally support too and as the priority. Sigh. I also don't get the need for her to stay with us permanently after we got married as she was not living with us before we got married.


I

Yes and this is what happens when women are immature and can't do things for themselves. They need someone to do it for them and the sons become their substitute husbands, it isn't healthy. There is nothing wrong with not wanting to live with your mother in law and if she is like this, I wouldn't let her live with you, she will undermine your marriage.

I know this because my mother in law cannot decide anything for herself. If she should paint her house, what colour should she paint it, really really simply things and she turns to DH for answers. If her remote control needs batteries, DH needs to buy those batteries for her as she can't work out what batteries it needs and no she doesn't have dementia or any other cognitive decline. She is useless and it is so scary that FIL did everything for her and now that he is incapable DH has to step in and fill that role.

It's not that blood family is better, it's that these women are damaged or stunted and they manipulate people because they are desperate and scared they will be left alone and they don't know how they will cope with working out replacing batteries in their TV remote control. They wouldn't for a second think to pull themselves together and start doing things for themselves, you can see them physically shrink down, scared when asked a question, they have never had to decide on anything. It's a really sad way to live.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Puh-lease. This is what you get for listening to a conversation you shouldn't have. There wasn't anything 'vicious' and it was about his relationship with her, not you - and she's right in one area. Given the divorce rates, it's not unlikely that you will get divorced. No matter what happens in your relationship with your DH, she will always be his mother. She may not be the MIL you'd like but it's what you've got. Your DH handled it appropriately. Move on.

Yes she will always be the mother. But the wife will always be the wife. Why is there a priority of one over the other.

I think the MIL is vicious. She is actively trying to get her son to put his wife as less of a priority. She is interfering in their relationship however the OP being the wife is not interfering in the relationship between mother and son. This is a really twisted and weird way to look at these relationships. Why get married if you assume you will get divorced and really so what if you do get divorced, shouldn't you have love and commitment while you are married. Is this mom so threatened that her child will have love with someone else in his life?

Op never trust your MIL again and stay away from her as much as you can. I wouldn't talk to your DH about it, he handled it fine however with these types of insecure women and MIL's there is no genuine relationship to be had with them, they are unfortunately damaged and there is nothing you can do to win her over. She is actively undermining your marriage, don't ignore this, she is showing you who she is, telling you that you aren't family to her, acknowledge that to yourself and move on.

Vicious doesn't mean what you think it means.

Vicious to be deliberately cruel or immoral. Yes I feel that interfering in someone else's marriage by trying to undermine it which is what this mother is trying to do is cruel to both her son and the OP and it certainly isn't a moral thing to do. Would any female like someone else interfering in their marriage? No I wouldn't think so.

Would anyone like their husband's friends telling him that hey he will probably get divorced so don't worry about celebrating your birthday, going out drinking with them is more important, they've known him longer. Would you ever tell your DH to not see his mother on her birthday because your needs are more important than her. It is absolutely crazy to think this behaviour is normal or that if someone was telling your DH to put less priority in your marriage it would be ok with any poster on this thread.

Marriage to most people I know is incredibly important to them and their well being. Most people get married wanting it to be for life, setting up a life together, having children, starting new families, it isn't a few dates. For someone to try to come between a married couple is something unforgivable to me, it is a deliberate act and it is cruel, not to mention an incredibly juvenile and selfish way to live.

Doesn't this mother want her son to be happy, doesn't she want him to live his life how he wants. No she wants to control him by telling him to put his blood family first, she is trying to make him feel that his wife, the person he has chosen to spend his life with and have children with wont' be there for him like she will be. A mother like this is mentally unstable.

There are a few posters on here who keep saying that blood family comes first. However when you marry you create your own new family, it becomes the nuclear family and your family of origin become your extended family. To see family as only people that have a blood connection to you is somehow stunted to me and I'm sure those families do have higher rates of divorce but not because the wife isn't blood related but because those families have dysfunctional relationships and don't realise it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Puh-lease. This is what you get for listening to a conversation you shouldn't have. There wasn't anything 'vicious' and it was about his relationship with her, not you - and she's right in one area. Given the divorce rates, it's not unlikely that you will get divorced. No matter what happens in your relationship with your DH, she will always be his mother. She may not be the MIL you'd like but it's what you've got. Your DH handled it appropriately. Move on.

Yes she will always be the mother. But the wife will always be the wife. Why is there a priority of one over the other.

I think the MIL is vicious. She is actively trying to get her son to put his wife as less of a priority. She is interfering in their relationship however the OP being the wife is not interfering in the relationship between mother and son. This is a really twisted and weird way to look at these relationships. Why get married if you assume you will get divorced and really so what if you do get divorced, shouldn't you have love and commitment while you are married. Is this mom so threatened that her child will have love with someone else in his life?

Op never trust your MIL again and stay away from her as much as you can. I wouldn't talk to your DH about it, he handled it fine however with these types of insecure women and MIL's there is no genuine relationship to be had with them, they are unfortunately damaged and there is nothing you can do to win her over. She is actively undermining your marriage, don't ignore this, she is showing you who she is, telling you that you aren't family to her, acknowledge that to yourself and move on.

But I did kinda interfere by letting DH know I prefer not living with my mother in law, she is a bit controlling and I usually go with her rules around the house because I don't like confrontation.
DH then told mother in law she is welcome to stay for short visits, but is not a good idea living together forever.

I think my mother in law can not let go of her son because she is divorced, and only has my DH for financial and emotional support.
I don't understand this type of behavior as well since I do not mind being her financial support, but she is acting as my DH should provide her emotionally support too and as the priority. Sigh. I also don't get the need for her to stay with us permanently after we got married as she was not living with us before we got married.


I

Anonymous wrote:As long as DH sides with you and puts her in her place, I don’t think you need to take it further. She sounds like a wack job, but your are the priority. If that ever changes, then you have an issue.

this. he handled it and he did so very well - lots of DHs don't stand up to their mothers. You don't have to do a thing except not trust her, which is her own loss.

Anonymous wrote:Why do so many women want sick relationships with their sons?

Neediness stemming from what?

I come from a family of mostly women, with really strong bonds. I had only sons. I can't for the life of me figure out this dynamic- its VERY odd on the part of the mom. I also have lots of cousins that are male that are close with their parents, none of that "boys leave forever" crap- but with normal healthy autonomy. Even my one aunt who coddles too much doesn't get all in their relationship business, she just cooks for them too much for grown men!

Women like this are weirdos.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Puh-lease. This is what you get for listening to a conversation you shouldn't have. There wasn't anything 'vicious' and it was about his relationship with her, not you - and she's right in one area. Given the divorce rates, it's not unlikely that you will get divorced. No matter what happens in your relationship with your DH, she will always be his mother. She may not be the MIL you'd like but it's what you've got. Your DH handled it appropriately. Move on.

Yes she will always be the mother. But the wife will always be the wife. Why is there a priority of one over the other.

I think the MIL is vicious. She is actively trying to get her son to put his wife as less of a priority. She is interfering in their relationship however the OP being the wife is not interfering in the relationship between mother and son. This is a really twisted and weird way to look at these relationships. Why get married if you assume you will get divorced and really so what if you do get divorced, shouldn't you have love and commitment while you are married. Is this mom so threatened that her child will have love with someone else in his life?

Op never trust your MIL again and stay away from her as much as you can. I wouldn't talk to your DH about it, he handled it fine however with these types of insecure women and MIL's there is no genuine relationship to be had with them, they are unfortunately damaged and there is nothing you can do to win her over. She is actively undermining your marriage, don't ignore this, she is showing you who she is, telling you that you aren't family to her, acknowledge that to yourself and move on.

Vicious doesn't mean what you think it means.

Anonymous wrote:Puh-lease. This is what you get for listening to a conversation you shouldn't have. There wasn't anything 'vicious' and it was about his relationship with her, not you - and she's right in one area. Given the divorce rates, it's not unlikely that you will get divorced. No matter what happens in your relationship with your DH, she will always be his mother. She may not be the MIL you'd like but it's what you've got. Your DH handled it appropriately. Move on.

Yes she will always be the mother. But the wife will always be the wife. Why is there a priority of one over the other.

I think the MIL is vicious. She is actively trying to get her son to put his wife as less of a priority. She is interfering in their relationship however the OP being the wife is not interfering in the relationship between mother and son. This is a really twisted and weird way to look at these relationships. Why get married if you assume you will get divorced and really so what if you do get divorced, shouldn't you have love and commitment while you are married. Is this mom so threatened that her child will have love with someone else in his life?

Op never trust your MIL again and stay away from her as much as you can. I wouldn't talk to your DH about it, he handled it fine however with these types of insecure women and MIL's there is no genuine relationship to be had with them, they are unfortunately damaged and there is nothing you can do to win her over. She is actively undermining your marriage, don't ignore this, she is showing you who she is, telling you that you aren't family to her, acknowledge that to yourself and move on.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh god please no! The OP that complained about her DH who leaves room to talk to his mom. Please not another rambling thread! You really need a hobby.

Ahahaha I think it’s the same person!

Please dont assume what you think is what is reality, this is my first time posting and maybe there are a few unreasonable mother in laws out there.
Would like to know what thread you are talking about so I can learn from other people's experience. Can you please post it here? would appreciate that.

I don’t think it’s possible that’s there’s another OP out there that has such a looney toons situation with their MIL & DH. You might want to try posting on the lawn and garden forum next time.

I’m sorry u feel this way, hope this is not how u treat people around you. you sound very much like my mother in law. Appreciate others suggestions.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh god please no! The OP that complained about her DH who leaves room to talk to his mom. Please not another rambling thread! You really need a hobby.

Ahahaha I think it’s the same person!

Please dont assume what you think is what is reality, this is my first time posting and maybe there are a few unreasonable mother in laws out there.
Would like to know what thread you are talking about so I can learn from other people's experience. Can you please post it here? would appreciate that.

No way

Why do so many women want sick relationships with their sons?

Neediness stemming from what?

Anonymous wrote:She probably has borderline personality disorder and just enjoys manufacturing drama.

+1

Exactly this. OP, stay out of it, let your DH handle her. If he won't step up, still avoid her like the plague she is. She is not right in the head - is she senile?