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[quote=Anonymous]We do cards and gifts on my side but it isn't expected, just nice and isn't all the time. Used to do this with BIL & his wife until they became so miserably toxic we are VLC:

The last interaction over bday cards, etc, was BIL's wife screaming at me about how the (several hundred dollars) we/I spent on a baby shower gift wasn't enough and how dare I not get a separate gift for each of her FIVE baby showers on top of  the "private" gift.

They make decent money and were given several thousand dollars anyway on top of gifts and 8 peoples' worth of hand-me-downs. Yes, BIL's wife has a history of being greedy.

Fwiw, we had a medical emergency and our income/savings was pretty tight at that point on top of just graduating university so it was quite a stretch for us on top of taking a week off, driving 6h/way to hand deliver and provide care for them.

We spent a week providing 24/7 free child care for them the second week after she came home even though BIL was also home. That ended with her telling me I was useless and a horrible SIL (?) over the not enough gifts thing and that she didn't like the birthday gift we'd gotten her. She was also mad I didn't lend her our extend family's lake home for a babymoon.

Either way, it was extremely rude and entitled. Nobody should be shouting at someone over how they are not just OWED gifts but are owed hundreds and hundreds of dollars worth of gifts.

I gave up. No more gifts or cards. Before, she would only give one if it allowed her to play up what a good family member she was in front of extended family.

I think this is something you do only if you generally have a good and genuinely close relationship or if it is very superficial and bean-counting. In general, a text or call is fine. 
 [/quote]

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