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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Please get it sorted out, OP, because this poisons relationships. My best friend is like this and it's exhausting to convince her that her life is not going to get better unless she changes her outlook. She thinks it's always someone else that's to blame or something that didn't go her way. [/quote]

This is OP. But you understand that the difference between your friend and me is that I don’t need convincing, right? I’m self-aware. I don’t think someone is to blame. I think I have an internal FEELING of dissatisfaction that I can’t shake. It’s a terrible feeling to just never feel like things are good enough, even if I don’t act on it. [/quote]

"Things are never good enough" might actually be, on a deeper level, "I am never good enough." Maybe if you feel OK with yourself, you can build on that and let the rest go. Things won't ever be perfect, and adult life is crammed full of stressors and disappointments and compromises. But I think you can try to push those to the edges and make a garden of what you love and enjoy in the middle. It starts with loving and enjoying yourself, and giving yourself permission to love and enjoy your life.

Could be with the infertility and other issues, you're used to flogging yourself to get through things. Those habits may have been helpful then, and now you're trying to get to an easier and gentler place. Good luck!![/quote]

This is OP. I cried reading this, which probably means this is it. I don’t feel good enough. Parenting brings out every insecurity I have, and heightens every anxiety. What if I fail her? I’m not good enough to deserve this perfect child. Maybe more mediation classes would help me feel “enough.” Thanks for this.[/quote]

PP here. I understand, truly...and those who have not been through infertility don’t realize how much it makes you feel deficient. Always doubting yourself, having to be so disciplined and detail-oriented and driven to achieve something that most people achieve through an act of pleasure and self-abandonment.

I don’t think there is any way to easily overcome the sense of insecurity at your core. For most people it involves digging deep and going back into childhood to find out when you decided something was wrong with you. But I totally agree meditation can help, and yoga, and practices that help you feel that it’s ok to just be here without having to “do more” and “be better.”

As for parenting, just think how amazing it will be for your child that you have walked this path and gained so much wisdom. You will be able to give her a gift you never had — the gift of knowing that she is enough. Ultimately she can’t rely on you for her sense of self, but with your support she can discover an authentic way to be in the world. You are modeling that journey and that is a great thing to do as a parent! Everyone has to start somewhere. Wishing you all the best.[/quote]

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