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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My mom and I fought a lot when I was a teenager and in my early twenties. When she was in the middle stages of dementia, she sometimes thought we were still fighting all the time. for example, she would call and say stuff like " I wish we would stop fighting all the time, I want us to get along." It was kind of sweet but also heartbreaking because she had forgotten how well we had gotten along for the past twenty years.

Hang in there OP!! It all sucks. Hopefully you can get your mom a formal diagnosis.[/quote]

OP here. This is what I am afraid of. We fought during my teen years, but then had a great relationship. Now it's like she thinks I am a disobedient teen. You are right. It sucks![/quote]

The difference is that when you were a teen, you could control your behavior and chose not to.  This is different.  [i]Your mom has no control over what is happening to her now.  She has no choice about her behavior.  You need to be more compassionate and respectful.  [/i]Would you complain about her behavior if she had brain cancer and a tumor was affecting how she acted?  [/quote]

I;m the PP you are quoting.  First of all, how do you know that OP isn't being compassionate and respectful?  She is posting on a message board and her post doesn't really say how she is acting towards her mom. There is nothing wrong with venting a bit on a message board given the difficult situation she is facing.  That situation is made worse by the fact that her mother is refusing to get a formal diagnosis, so it is difficult to know if it is actually dementia.

Also, [b]per your remark about me as a teen/twenty something being able to control my behavior and choosing not to[/b], how do you know that when we fought, I was in the wrong and the mom was in the right?  Most mother/daughter relationships are a lot more complicated than that. [/quote]

Um … OP self-described her/your behavior as "disobedient teen."  What is not clear about that?  And as someone who has been both a teen and a parent it is pretty easy to generalize that the parent is more often right than the teen.

As for your support of venting, it is pretty clear that you don't understand what is healthy or not.  It isn't normal or healthy to have this much anger that OP (you?) is still at it day after day.  If you read up on venting you would understand that venting is healthy basically only if it is one and done.  The fact that OP continues to feed the vent means that OP needs to do more than vent.  She probably needs to get into therapy and deal with her issues.  When she does that she'll be in a better place to deal with her issues concerning her mom.[/quote]

Well said. I think there is someone who just keeps coming back to say :stop complaining" "stop being selfish" over and over. You made a very good point. Probably best to ignore the poster who ironically wants us to stop, but cannot let it go that we aren't going to stop sharing our experiences and how tough it is.[/quote]

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