Reply to How to survive an unhappy marriage?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Divorce is off the table due to 2 elementary-aged children and our social life as a couple is deeply intertwined with our extended families and church community. We've been married for 15 years and our sex life has been non-existent (maybe 4-5x a year at most) for the last 5 years. We hardly touch and I sleep in the guest room. My wife is superficially friendly towards me but detached emotionally. [b]She was't exactly warm or emotionally open to begin with, just 'pleasant.' This should've been a warning sign in the beginning but I was just happy to find an attractive, 'uncomplicated' woman. She didn't come into the relationship with any emotional baggage or glaring psychological issues so I thought I hit the jackpot.[/b]

I've tried everything I can possibly think of to re-ignite the spark of passion, including earning a six figure income, losing weight, taking her out for date-nights and showering her with gifts and flowers. I asked her to go to couples therapy with me or to speak with our pastor together but she says our personal life is no one else's business. I don't think she actually believes there's anything wrong with our marriage. I have sought out individual counseling but all I got out of it is that in order to transform my marriage, my wife has to believe there's a reason has to change it. She's comfortable with the way things are but I'm miserable.

I'm ashamed to admit I've entertained the idea of having an affair but 1.) it goes against all of my moral principles 2.) I won't risk ruining my children's lives and 3.) I would rather have sex with my wife but she's not interested. I spend a lot of time in the gym and at work but it isn't enough to distract me from the loneliness and lack of basic, human connection.

We have open access to each other's phones, e-mails, etc. so I know she isn't having an affair. She's a stay-at-home mom and is fulfilled enough with her friendships and volunteer work. She's a good woman and a loving mother but is completely uninterested in being a good wife. I don't know what else to do except pray that she feels the need to reconnect with me one day.
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This doesn't add up.  So you are a person who wants a close emotional relationship with a significant other (totally reasonable) and so you picked someone to marry who you never had a close emotional connection with?  Why?  How did this seem like hitting the jackpot?

I don't understand how this seemed fine at one point and now is not.  Is it really just that she stopped having sex with you?  Because if that's it, just call a spade a spade and try to address that.[/quote]

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