Reply to Finding 3 kids w/ big age gap really challenging

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
I know this is par for the course and there isn't much to do, but our family seems divided because at this point it's so much easier for one parent to take the older two someone and one to stay home with the baby. DH and I do trade off, but I definitely end up spending more time with the baby and he's with the older ones. It feels like I am missing out on a lot with the older ones, especially on some of the more fun activities.[/quote]

You're also bringing your older children and your husband closer together, and allowing you to focus on the child that needs you most. This may or may not help your framing. We usually went with the easy division of labor - DH takes the oldest, DW takes the little one.

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I guess I would just love to know when it gets better and the gap is less of an issue. Maybe when the baby no longer naps? Or maybe it's still an issue because they will always be in such different phases? Just feels so hard right now.
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We found that everything improved, scheduling-wise, when naps consolidated to a single afternoon one. But even before then, if you have two cars, remember you can let baby nap, and then join your husband. Or one parent stays in the car with a book/catches up on his or her own naps while the baby sleeps in his carseat.

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This solution sounds miserable as well. What is the f-omg point of having a family if you are always “dividing and conquring.” I don’t want to have another kid if it means I rarely get to see my husband or older kids?  Is this for real advice?  [/quote]

NP, but this time is temporary.  I mean, do you do everything in lockstep as a family all the time?  I enjoy that our family can happily coexist all together, or in various configurations.  It also depends on how scheduled the older kids are.  If they have a ton of activities, that’s a choice that not every family makes, and it’s also not true “family” time, IMO.  [/quote]

I don’t know, it seems like it’s temporary times three, which is a long time. And, as the mother of middle schoolers, it’s not like things get easier or you suddenly have more time to offer your kids. Seven year gaps mean that one will be going to college while one is still, what fifth or sixth grade?  That gap never disappears, the challenges you face just change shape and definition.  A four year old isn’t going to be able to stay up for their sibling’s middle school band concert, so still, four years later there is either a parent asleep in the car or you are hiring a babysitter. There is too much divide and conquer. It’s not temporary, it’s just accepting that your family is always going to living separate lives for most of their waking hours.  [/quote]

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