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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Your dh sounds like a great dad, tbh. You sounds like a controlling freak. I wonder if your dd has an executive function issue or if she just doesn't fit into your idea of a perfect kid. My dd is doing great in college and her room at home is a disaster, so what? I am not going to alienate my almost adults children because I want her room clean. That is not worth it. I would like it clean, but oh, well. She will get it soon enough![/quote]

Op here - yes, she has significant executive functioning issues as she was tested in 8th grade.  
After lengthy conversations, bedtime and screen time rules were what we were focusing on as pot, drinking cutting school were not issues.  Her room's a mess but that's okay.  She's late to everything but that's on her.  I don't remind her it's rude to meet up with friends 30+ minutes after the agreed upon time.

Setting a reasonable bedtime was necessary as she was constantly overwhelmed with so much due to lack of sleep and time management.  SHe was in constant stressed out mode.  Her brain and short term memory was overwhelmed and she was struggling socially  as she was cranky and she stress eats.

So from what I am reading, I should basically just stop - let her stay up as late as she wants and allow her to spend 6-8 hours after school on Instagram and snapchat?  I just can't see that as ending well.
[/quote]
In some ways... yes. You should allow her to manage her time herself. She is taking physics? How is she doing?  As or Cs? If she is passing, yes, let her fail a bit on her own. You can't go to school for her. You can't go to college with her(well, you shouldn't). Most HS kids to spend almost all their time on social media. Sadly they do. So yes, relax a bit. Tell her you will let her do things on her own. Dad is there and they know how to play you two against each other. You need to relax. [/quote]

Currently she has a 61 (D) for the quarter and a 72.4 (C-) for the semester in AP physics.  This is after she took physics honors with B+s.  She admitted she slacked on paying attention in class and understanding the content and dug herself into a deep hole in the class.  Normally she's a 3.8ish student with never anything below a B.

I just sat and watched her grade drop until she  came to me.  She told me her plan of going to office hours and she asked for more time with her math tutor as she wasn't understanding the math part of physics.  great!!

I have seen the health and social consequences of screen time and lack of sleep.  I could also nag her about brushing her teeth so they don't become orange due to plaque buildup, to make her bed, or remind her to brush her hair, or buy a new pair of shoes - ones without holes.  I could step in to insist her binder, notebooks and backpack are organized so she doesn't stress about losing homework or other important papers,  but I don't. I could call the eye doctor to order the colored contacts she desperately wants, but she said she would, so I don't.   I could help her get to Starbucks on-time so her friends don't leave without her, but I don't.  She experiences those constant failures over and over and over again.  [/quote]

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