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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Your dh sounds like a great dad, tbh. You sounds like a controlling freak. I wonder if your dd has an executive function issue or if she just doesn't fit into your idea of a perfect kid. My dd is doing great in college and her room at home is a disaster, so what? I am not going to alienate my almost adults children because I want her room clean. That is not worth it. I would like it clean, but oh, well. She will get it soon enough![/quote]

Op here - yes, she has significant executive functioning issues as she was tested in 8th grade.  
After lengthy conversations, bedtime and screen time rules were what we were focusing on as pot, drinking cutting school were not issues.  Her room's a mess but that's okay.  She's late to everything but that's on her.  I don't remind her it's rude to meet up with friends 30+ minutes after the agreed upon time.

Setting a reasonable bedtime was necessary as she was constantly overwhelmed with so much due to lack of sleep and time management.  SHe was in constant stressed out mode.  Her brain and short term memory was overwhelmed and she was struggling socially  as she was cranky and she stress eats.

So from what I am reading, I should basically just stop - let her stay up as late as she wants and allow her to spend 6-8 hours after school on Instagram and snapchat?  I just can't see that as ending well.
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