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[quote=Anonymous]Op here,
Yes, my brother did cheat on her which I don’t condone. Supposedly he told her as soon as things turned romantic (ie it didn’t drag out) but still not okay. Their  divorce took almost two years to finalize and, by then, his AP was pregnant. He remarried soon after the divorce; the terms were that their child could not meet OW until the divorce was finalized and my brother believes that was a major factor in why my former sister in law wouldn’t settle sooner. I feel bad for their child who then didn’t meet his future step mom until a few weeks before they married (and a few months before the baby was born).  My understanding is my ex SIl also behaved poorly - I know (confirmed through other sources) that she stole a few thousand dollars from one of his friends (he initially stuck up for her, but she later came clean) and I know she was in AA for years but had gone back to drinking before he left her (ie she was open with me about AA and I saw her drinking a glass of wine here and there last family vacation we were on.). I don’t know if her alcohol was a problem at that point - when they were dating i was concerned about it, but on our vacation I was not. They definitely had financial differences (she would make major purchase - like a car - without telling him) and in retrospect didn’t coparent well (things that occur to me now but didn’t then). I don’t know if she hid finances (including, he claims, opening credit cards by forging his signature on applications) because she wanted to spend more money than he did in an out of control way or if he was controlling. He claims he discovered toward the end of the marriage that she got high everyday - even when watching their child  and he says  that they hadn’t slept together for years; she apparently claimed in court that he abuses alcohol (may have been true, he currently doesn’t drink and I never saw this) and she told me that their marriage was a friendship and probably wasn’t a great one at that  (ie I’m guessing she concurs they weren’t having sex).

They share custody of their child 50/50. My brother is pretty involved especially for someone with a demanding job (ie attends school plays, sporting events etc) She still invites my aunts, uncles and cousins to family events (ie her child’s birthday parties etc) but no longer includes my brother or parents. Frankly, I don’t think they’ve treated her well - my parents immediately sided with my brother and cut off ties with her during the divorce - but I think they hear - observe / know a lot more than I do.

My ex SIl were very close once upon a time, but I knew I couldn’t say anything that might divulge anything about my brother and she was guarded during the divorce too, so we’re not close anymore. For instance, we used to bond / advise each other when my mom did odd things but I wouldn’t share that with her now.

Anyway, two years ago she had a big gathering / gift giving event for her nieces and nephews at her house. I think my brother doesn’t want us going to her house for a production. He’ll have his child half of Christmas Eve, half of Christmas Day, and all day for many other days while I’m there so all the cousins will have time together.
I don’t really have a need to see Ex SIl (though I’m sad at how things have turned out and miss her) but would like to maintain a relationship/ open door for their child.

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