Reply to Maintain contact with ex-sister in law?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I would not ask permission from my brother even thought he situation is messy. If the ex starts fishing for information on your brother, back away. NO social media is a given.[/quote]

Since you, OP, are the one who initiated the idea of meeting for tea (right?), and you are not bringing your kids, you have done nothing that violates your brother's (controlling and petty) dictates.

I do agree with the PP that if former SIL seems to fish for even a little information about brother, SIL or their kids/holiday plans/how new SIL treats ex-SIL's kid etc.--change the topic like you didn't even hear her. Or just say warmly and kindly, "I'm glad to catch up with you and have always liked that we have our own friendship apart from (Brother). So I'm most comfortable leaving anything about him or the kids in his court. Now, what did you think of the ending of [TV series you both watch]?...."

Keep the teatime on a schedule so you have an out if things get awkward: "I'll see you at the coffee shop at 2:00 and by the way, I'll need to leave by 3:30 to make it to an appointment/get a haircut/meet my DH to Christmas shop etc."

And no photos that she could post on social media. While you shouldn't have to hide what you, an adult, choose to do socially, you also don't need to invite drama by taking photos. Still, that won't stop her saying online or even directly to your brother that you saw her. (Do they communicate about custody??) Are you OK with it if brother finds out? Are you OK with owning that you spent an hour with another adult and did not discuss him or his new wife? Just consider that. I would, if it were me, see her, but I'd go ahead up front and just tell him I was seeing her for an hour for tea without kids and it was set up by me before his order not to see her.

I would wonder if brother got wind of the idea that his ex does want to invite more of the family than you over to see her. Or maybe brother and new SIL are planning to attempt a custody change or other legal move soon and don't want his ex to see his family members just in case ex does try to fish for info.[/quote]

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