Reply to If you don’t like your child’s spouse, please keep it to yourself!

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[quote=Anonymous]OP, some MIL's are petulant children, and were never good parents, to begin with.  If the DIL is very different (or in my case, completely opposite) than the MIL - the MIL may take that as a personal affront, particularly if the MIL tends to be narcissistic. That, and there are some people you will never please, and that is okay.

Maybe you married a people pleaser, and MIL expected that people pleaser DH would marry someone more like her.  Joke is on her!

But really, you don't have to kowtow to someone who is impossible.  MIL is DH's job, not yours.  MIL should be warm and welcoming, and set an example, as the elder of the family.  If MIL can't act like an adult, you can't possibly adult for the two (three?) of you, she is asking too much.  You owe her nothing, really.

I would feel differently if MIL was warm and welcoming, but I know who I am, I have manners, and I have nothing to prove.  If MIL is threatened because you are different than her, that is on her to reconcile within herself, not you.

I come from a big, warm, close family that literally grew up together - we were not perfect, but I have no apologies for who I am - and I have not "done anything" to MIL, and she knows it.  I have always worked hard for what I have.  Truth is, MIL knows very little about me, after all these years.  I have faced my share of inaccurate judgements from her and hers.

I would feel differently if MIL offered to help in her younger years, or whatever - but now, after her regular barbs, I am just not interested.  DH has done more than enough for his family, and they only wanted more. I let DH do what he wants - or doesn't want - as he is a grown adult, and neither of us will be treated like children.  It is difficult when you know that your MIL was an emotionally abusive and checked out parent, at best - and your DH had a terrible upbringing because of her.  [/quote]

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