Reply to If you don’t like your child’s spouse, please keep it to yourself!

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I don't disagree with this but wander what is the best way for a parent to express legitimate concerns?[/quote]

Once, privately, with a probing question or two.  That's it.  Then you DROP IT.  You have to trust your child to make the right choice for them.  Even if it's not the choice YOU would make for them.  After that you are just attempting to fight a losing battle.  And yes, you will be the one who looses.[/quote]

Say your child is infatuated with an alcoholic, you ask a probing question and drop it? [/quote]

OP here. I agree this complicates things and I’m not sure what I’d do in that case.

I was more talking about the child’s spouse is simply not the parents type/not who they would choose, but no actual issues. In that case, get over it if you value your relationship with your child. My mom behaved this way for the 14 years I was married that she was alive (and she cast a dark cloud over my engagement period too.) Even now that she has passed away, I know my husband is still hurt and confused why she disliked him, because he is a pleaser and a generally likeable guy. He also comes from a large, close family that welcomes all inlaws with open arms.[/quote]

How did your mom behave OP? I am not defending her in any way, but do want to say that liking or disling someone is a) a very primal emotion and b) it's difficult to hide. If she treated him poorly then that's no excuse. I know I am not my MIL's cup of tea but she treats me respectfully, and at the end of the day she is just like any other person, some like me and some don't.
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