Reply to Help me decide if I should stay at home or go back to work (baby is 6 weeks old)

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Reply to "Help me decide if I should stay at home or go back to work (baby is 6 weeks old)"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Here is my (unpopular) opinion. It would be easier to push through more generous maternal leave policies if we weren't simultaneously also trying to push through ridiculous (IMO) paternal leave policies. Companies have only so much money/time off to give. It is a zero sum game. Men do not need 12+ weeks of paternity leave. Newsflash, men and women are different![/quote]

You understand that allotting all your zero-sum leave toward women perpetuates that women are the ones who have to sacrifice their career goals to provide childcare as a primary parent?[/quote]

Most (if not all) of the men I know who take "paternity leave" do so concurrently with their wives. They have no interest in being the sole caretaker of the baby. Its just an extra long free vacation for them, and its costing companies time and resources that could go to women, which people on this board seem to think the women desperately need and I happen to agree.

We can say we think that women/men should get equal time 6, 9, 12+ months off but that is not realistic. We have to take baby steps.

To the adopting PP, yes I think adopting mothers should get the same time as mothers who gave birth. I personally think maternity leave is separate from "healing from childbirth" which in my case (and many cases) takes maybe a week, if that. Mothers have a different need to be with their babies than fathers do. Its just biological. I'm married to a wonderful man who is an involved father and a 50/50 partner. He took 2 weeks vacation with the birth of each of our children (he did not receive paternity leave either time) He helped me and hung out with the babies and then he went back to work. He was fine. And I was fine with him going back.

All this whining about paternity leave is hurting women. Sorry, its true. [/quote]

Disagree, but dads need to step up. If my husband had more than a week it would’ve been game changing. I had a high needs baby and was going nuts by myself. I also felt like because dh wasn’t home with baby he became more hands off and deferred to me. But if he’s been home I’d have been more than happy to trade out and get some alone/free time, and let him figure it out I can see how if the mom was super controlling/stepped in constantly it could be like this but generally the point is to ensure dada do become hands on so the burden does not fall solely on mom when she goes back to work[/quote]

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