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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Has anyone had experience with this? We're about to throw in the towel on treatment and <b>love the idea of adopting</b>, but are scared about the details, especially since we have an older child to consider. Did you decide for or against adoption after infertility (especially secondary infertility)? Could you share your experiences either way?[/quote]

Adoption is trauma.  What do you love about the idea?  [/quote]
Adoption is not trauma.  When a parent is unable to raise their children, for whatever reason that is, that is the trauma.  Adoption does not cure that problem, but neither does it cause it.  Adoption is a way for that child to have a family (which every child deserves), despite the trauma that occurred prior to the adoption.[/quote]

Most domestic I can’t adoption is not a case of people being unable to parent their child.  It is a high demand market filled with infertile couples and a high profit industry who create product by co vi ding oeople that they are not ready or able to parent die to circumstances that are 100% fixable or temporary (-he, lack of health insurance, lack of funds, lack of community support).  These are reasons to HELP mothers, not remove their babies from them.  Removing healthy babaies from healthy parents for economic reasons or lack of temporary support IS trauma.  Trauma created by a hugely profitable market for babies.

Adopting from foster care is very different.  OP, are you interested in fostering or adopting older or high needs children who have no parents?  [/quote]
You have no idea why any particular parent chooses adoption.  I met my child’s birth mother and it was not an economic decision.  Pro-choice includes allowing women the option to give birth and decide that she is not able to parent that child. And yes, I fully agree that parents who want to parent their children but feel they cannot due to economic stress need financial support rather than adoption. Just - don’t paint it all with one broad brush.[/quote]

+1, I am close to my child's maternal family.  I know all the details.  Its not as simple always as economics.

OP, it is very hard to do an ethical adoption.  A good portion of adoptions could be considered questionable.  And, there are many that are very shady.  Its up to you to make it an ethical adoption and be prepared to walk away if you see red flags (we did twice).  You need to verify everything said from the birthparents.

Regardless of how you adopt, you need to be prepared for the worst.  Even if a child appears healthy, they may have special needs that come out later.  Early on we spent a small fortune on therapies for our child.  Friends have spent a fortune in later years with learning disabilities, therapies and other needs for their teens.  However, this isn't exclusive to adoption but given there is a higher risks, especially if you go through the foster care system and you need to be prepared financially and with time.  I had to quit my job to make it all work.  I have no regrets and I'd do it all over again but that's not for everyone.  My child appeared "healthy".[/quote]

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