Reply to Forcing Adopted Asian Child to have Bat Mitzvah when Child Does not Want It

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Reply to "Forcing Adopted Asian Child to have Bat Mitzvah when Child Does not Want It"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][b]My brother and SIL fully admit they are forcing their daughter from Asia to have a Bat Mitzvah even though there is no family pressure on either side to have one. [/b]The daughter makes it very clear she doesn't want it.  [b]I should also note they have both been great about making sure their daughter learns about her own culture too.[/b] They have taken her to events, signed her up for cultural groups and activities, encouraged friendships. [b]However, chances are she is not a member of the very small sect of Chinese Jews in China so I just don't understand pushing an agenda she doesn't want. [/b]She has complained to me and they have complained about how they basically are bribing her to do it. I did suggest it may be helpful to find a family therapist savvy to these issues with adoption to sort this out. I am not an expert, [b]but I don't see the point in forcing this even on a child who was born into a Jewish family. We didn't make our own kids do it.[/b]

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So, OP, it sounds like you don't think your niece is Jewish. I know you think you are advocating for her, but I would tread very lightly because all the information you have presented here screams that you see her as different because she is not a blood relative, and that the only way she could be Jewish is if her birth parents were. Is it possible that she doesn't want a Bat Mitzvah celebration because she's constantly made to feel like an outsider?

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OP responding. I didn't force my own kids to have it.  I don't believe in forcing anyone to do these things, but yes, if she is not of Jewish descent and she prefers her own culture, then I do not think it is fair to impose a different culture on her.[/quote]
I agree with this to a point. My question is: what religious education has been leading up to the bat mitzvah struggle? Have the parents made Judaism a part of her life from the adoption, or is this something they’re springing on her as they realize it’s prep time? She doesn’t have to have Jewish blood or be “of Jewish descent” to be a Jew, but if she doesn’t see Judaism as part of “her own culture,” there are family dynamics contributing to this idea. [/quote]

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