Reply to Newly Divorced -- Is it Okay to Reach out to Divorced Friends for a Social Assist?

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Reply to "Newly Divorced -- Is it Okay to Reach out to Divorced Friends for a Social Assist?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Your approach feels desperate so I’d take things slow.[/quote]

What approach do you suggest instead?  The separation and divorce process took almost three years, during which time I made the family my priority.  Absolutely no dating and very little socializing during that time.  [/quote]

Calm down. You will find another DH. Your fear of being alone will make you select men who are poor choices though.

You just divorced. Now the hard part really starts for your kids and you. Give yourself and your kids a year at least to adjust to the real new normal.
Don’t hang out with you divorced friends all the time bc you fear being lonely and then having time to think.

Be lonely. Grieve the loss. That’s not what we going on the last 3 years. You were just getting through. It’s different now.

[/quote]

The children are older than middle school, to the extent that matters to posters.  My focus has always been them and their needs firstt, and my own mental and physical health second.  We have had quite some time now to adjust to the 'new normal' as the process has already taken several years, and their dad/my ex walked away at the beginning of that period and has maintained only occasional contact (two days a month on average).

I have very supportive and kind married and single/divorced friendships both, which have helped me greatly.  I respect any marriage, partnership, and/or dating relationship, having lived firsthand through the devastation of an extramarital affair, so I feel awkward being the third wheel to any sort of couple relationship.  I was considering reaching out only to men who I know are single and unattached in any way, thinking they might be more likely to socialize in a similarly unattached cohort.

The general consensus seems to be that my assumption is wrong and that I might come across as desperate.  I really do not feel comfortable with an online approach, so perhaps the previous poster is right that I should continue my focus on the family and take some more time.  Thank you all for the very helpful advice.[/quote]

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