Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Be lonely. Grieve the loss. That’s not what we going on the last 3 years. You were just getting through. It’s different now.

OP divorced the guy; she’s not mourning his death. You’re trying to solve a problem OP doesn’t have.

Hello there, person who hasnt ever been divorced! For many people it is a legit grieving process. You have to grieve the loss of all the hopes and dreams you had for the marriage.

Hello there, person who has apparently never buried a husband or wife. No, it’s not a law of nature that you _have_ to grieve at the end of a marriage. At least past OP’s 3 years of separation.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your approach feels desperate so I’d take things slow.

What approach do you suggest instead? The separation and divorce process took almost three years, during which time I made the family my priority. Absolutely no dating and very little socializing during that time.

Calm down. You will find another DH. Your fear of being alone will make you select men who are poor choices though.

You just divorced. Now the hard part really starts for your kids and you. Give yourself and your kids a year at least to adjust to the real new normal.
Don’t hang out with you divorced friends all the time bc you fear being lonely and then having time to think.

Be lonely. Grieve the loss. That’s not what we going on the last 3 years. You were just getting through. It’s different now.

The children are older than middle school, to the extent that matters to posters. My focus has always been them and their needs firstt, and my own mental and physical health second. We have had quite some time now to adjust to the 'new normal' as the process has already taken several years, and their dad/my ex walked away at the beginning of that period and has maintained only occasional contact (two days a month on average).

I have very supportive and kind married and single/divorced friendships both, which have helped me greatly. I respect any marriage, partnership, and/or dating relationship, having lived firsthand through the devastation of an extramarital affair, so I feel awkward being the third wheel to any sort of couple relationship. I was considering reaching out only to men who I know are single and unattached in any way, thinking they might be more likely to socialize in a similarly unattached cohort.

The general consensus seems to be that my assumption is wrong and that I might come across as desperate. I really do not feel comfortable with an online approach, so perhaps the previous poster is right that I should continue my focus on the family and take some more time. Thank you all for the very helpful advice.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Be lonely. Grieve the loss. That’s not what we going on the last 3 years. You were just getting through. It’s different now.

OP divorced the guy; she’s not mourning his death. You’re trying to solve a problem OP doesn’t have.

Hello there, person who hasnt ever been divorced! For many people it is a legit grieving process. You have to grieve the loss of all the hopes and dreams you had for the marriage.

Anonymous wrote:I am newly divorced after a long marriage, not by choice, my ex left me. I have several single/divorced girlfriends who have been extremely supportive and positive, and include me on some social outings. But I really need to practice going out with guys, since I have not dated in mamy years. Is it okay to reach out to the single/divorced men I know and ask them to include me on group outings to bars or restaurants with their
single/divorced friends? Or does that sound desperate? How should I go about socializing with men again?

Anonymous wrote:

Be lonely. Grieve the loss. That’s not what we going on the last 3 years. You were just getting through. It’s different now.

OP divorced the guy; she’s not mourning his death. You’re trying to solve a problem OP doesn’t have.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your approach feels desperate so I’d take things slow.

What approach do you suggest instead? The separation and divorce process took almost three years, during which time I made the family my priority. Absolutely no dating and very little socializing during that time.

Calm down. You will find another DH. Your fear of being alone will make you select men who are poor choices though.

You just divorced. Now the hard part really starts for your kids and you. Give yourself and your kids a year at least to adjust to the real new normal.
Don’t hang out with you divorced friends all the time bc you fear being lonely and then having time to think.

Be lonely. Grieve the loss. That’s not what we going on the last 3 years. You were just getting through. It’s different now.

The children are older than middle school, to the extent that matters to posters. My focus has always been them and their needs firstt, and my own mental and physical health second. We have had quite some time now to adjust to the 'new normal' as the process has already taken several years, and their dad/my ex walked away at the beginning of that period and has maintained only occasional contact (two days a month on average).

I have very supportive and kind married and single/divorced friendships both, which have helped me greatly. I respect any marriage, partnership, and/or dating relationship, having lived firsthand through the devastation of an extramarital affair, so I feel awkward being the third wheel to any sort of couple relationship. I was considering reaching out only to men who I know are single and unattached in any way, thinking they might be more likely to socialize in a similarly unattached cohort.

The general consensus seems to be that my assumption is wrong and that I might come across as desperate. I really do not feel comfortable with an online approach, so perhaps the previous poster is right that I should continue my focus on the family and take some more time. Thank you all for the very helpful advice.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your approach feels desperate so I’d take things slow.

What approach do you suggest instead? The separation and divorce process took almost three years, during which time I made the family my priority. Absolutely no dating and very little socializing during that time.

Calm down. You will find another DH. Your fear of being alone will make you select men who are poor choices though.

You just divorced. Now the hard part really starts for your kids and you. Give yourself and your kids a year at least to adjust to the real new normal.
Don’t hang out with you divorced friends all the time bc you fear being lonely and then having time to think.

Be lonely. Grieve the loss. That’s not what we going on the last 3 years. You were just getting through. It’s different now.

Be lonely. Grieve the loss. That’s not what we going on the last 3 years. You were just getting through. It’s different now.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your approach feels desperate so I’d take things slow.

What approach do you suggest instead? The separation and divorce process took almost three years, during which time I made the family my priority. Absolutely no dating and very little socializing during that time.

Anonymous wrote:I think you will do better avoiding “groups” of single people. In my experience they tend to attract those who need safety in numbers.

If your intention is to have lots of friends - join things like hiking groups meetups volunteer at festivals join a run club etc.

Find “friends” who share similar interests not just similar (and generally similarly temporary) partner status- if you want meaningful friendships. If you only bond over Singleton the group dies when not single.

If you want to DATE go online. I’m two years into the divorce but do date and have been really enjoying it! Good luck OP you can do this

Anonymous wrote:DCs? How old?