Reply to Is the concept of a matriarch passe?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think that a matriarch mindset exists whether or not it is articulated as such.

I believe that most conflicts between MILs and DILs are actually battles for matriarchal control of the family culture and values.  [/quote]

Culture and values? Such as what? [/quote]

NP I'd agree with this. I have big differences of opinion as to how I want holidays celebrated. I want sit down dinners. I want screaming children at 6am opening presents while we all drink hot cocoa. I want it joyous and happy. MIL wants appetizers on paper plates. Kids have to stay in our room until everyone is done showering (10 am last time). She's extremely informal, no alcohol. Our two ways just can't coexist. I don't have the same issues with how my mom celebrates. My mom asks for our opinions and we don't have to spend the night at her house, she comes to ours. [/quote]

PP here.  Yes, exactly.  Battle for the family culture.  Son gets married to a woman who was raised a certain way.  By and large, women set the cultural tone for family life.  New family the couple forms is more heavily influenced by wife's culture than by the husband's.  MIL, the matriarch, feels threatened or otherwise distressed about this.  Conflict ensues.[/quote]

This but I feel it's mainly because the MIL feels that she is the matriarch and the control is all hers. If she tries to control the DIL then naturally conflict will happen. I do feel that the idea of a matriarch is old fashioned for the younger generations.

I do think the younger generation doesn't feel the need to obey elders like they did in the past.  If older parents are rude or obnoxious I see more young people distancing themselves so the typical matriarch isn't going to work and that's a good thing.  I don't often hear of a matriarch as being a positive influence in a family they are usually controlling and demanding.[/quote]

This exactly. Only, it’s my mother and me and not a DIL. Huge difference between the generations. And yes, the concept of a matriarch is absurd and passé. It’s very paternalistic, actually. This concept really comes from a time when men had the ultimate control and older women finally had some kind of control as heads of their families regarding culture and female arts.[/quote]

ie: ie: "when the FIL dies, the MIL thinks she is in charge." LOL. [/quote]

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