Reply to How do you handle DH being on a different page when it comes to parenting style

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[quote=Anonymous]
OP here. I get what some of you are saying about being more accepting of his style, but I fee like I already do that quite a bit. Yes, maybe I need to do a better job sometimes of not showing disapproval when he goes over the agreed-upon screen time limit or brings home a couple of 2-liter bottles of Coke after he has agreed not to keep soda in the house, but I just get irritated because, as someone said, I feel like he’s not respecting me and not doing what’s best for the kids. I get that we shouldn’t sweat the small stuff, and that I should chill, but I feel like I do that a lot already, and that I’ve given up on a lot of stuff. Other examples: I gave up on the idea of the kids bathing every day because it was only me enforcing it and he didn’t think it was a big deal. So now, if I’m not home, he almost never has the kids shower before bed instead of watching tv (because it’s unpleasant and hard to make them step away from the tv to shower, because they will complain and resist, and so he doesn’t do it). And so now we have one kid who now never wants to bathe, and it’s a battle every time. Yeah, don’t sweat the small stuff...but there are things that need to happen (i.e., bathing). And the not intervening in fights really bothers me...sometimes I will hear the older one say to him, “daddy, do something!” Or “daddy, tell her to stop!” (In reference to the younger one who tends to be more aggressive). Also, he recently told my 10YO that if she ever wants to try smoking, she should come to him so that he could supervise. (This really bothered me a lot!!) I can’t always be the one with 100% of the burden of doing the hard stuff. It’s making me crazy, it’s affecting my relationship with my kids (“mommy, you’re the serious one and daddy’s the fun one”), it’s causing me to resent my DH. And also, I just think a lot of things about his approaches are wrong. And I’m not the only one who has agreed...the counselors have, and the pediatrician has. But it’s getting harder to decide which things to take a stand on, and which things to “chill” about. Also, my family (parents, siblings) and even his parents have talked to us about how they think the kids are undisciplined heathens (they don’t use those words, of course). My reaction is that we need to re-examine our approaches, but DH’s reaction is not to sweat it.

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