Reply to What does your partner do?

Forum Index » General Parenting Discussion

Reply to "What does your partner do?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]We both WOH, with one 3yo DD who is in daycare.  DH takes care of all yard work (SFH with small yard).  For anything else in the house or with regard to taking care of DD, he will do anything I ask him to do, but he rarely takes the initiative and does something without prompting.  I got to the point where I always felt like I was nagging him to do stuff, so I just do it all myself now.  I handle schedules, purchases, all things that need to be "remembered" for both his family and mine.
I handle 90% of daycare pickup/dropoff.  He does a great job of engaging with DD in the early evenings to spend time with her.  Weekends are hit or miss.  Sometimes he's fully engaged with her; other times, not so much.[/quote]

This is us, only with a 2.5YO and 4YO who are at an in-home daycare and PT school. I am the default parent and do probably 90% of the kid and home stuff. This is pretty much my choice but I'm actively trying to get better by voicing to him exactly what I need. My DH is a wonderful man but he just doesn't "get it" - he honestly won't notice we're running low on diapers or paper towels, or notice there are dishes in the sink or the trash is overflowing. He will do anything I specifically ask him to, but I need to make it a point to ask. Even then sometimes it's hit or miss if he does it within a reasonable time! He does interact with the kids a lot, and even that is getting better now that they're getting older. We really struggled when they were little.

I do all communicating with the daycare/teachers, all shopping, all doctor appts, all childcare arrangements (babysitters, back-up for daycare closings), 90% of cleaning/laundry, planning kid stuff - planning parties, weekend activities, play dates, buying bday gifts, all holiday things (Easter/Christmas/Halloween wouldn't happen without me). DH has never taken both kids anywhere by himself.

DH does handle all finances, 90% of car stuff, lawn care, home repairs, and likely some other things I'm forgetting.

[b]DH simply doesn't do a lot because he assumes I will do it, as I always have[/b]. I grew up in a very gender-specific household - both my parents worked but my mom cooked/cleaned/did all the "housewife" stuff while my dad did all of the outside stuff (we lived on a farm). I envision being this perfect wife/mother like my mom was and I just can not do it - but she also only had 1 child and my parents didn't have 3 hour commutes every day or take me to a ton of structured activities or sports. I need to ask him more for help. [/quote]

I'm the PP you quoted, and I think the bolded statement is the issue DH and I have.  I did not grow up in a gender-specific household, but my DH did, even though we both come from families with 2 full-time WOH parents in very blue-collar regions.  To this day, FIL quite literally will not lift a finger to do a thing around the house to help out my MIL, despite her many health issues...or if he does, he makes sure everyone is aware of it.  DH never really had a model of how 2 parents can both participate in life around the house, so I don't think it dawns on him just how many tasks there are, beyond cleaning up and doing laundry.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics