Reply to Why do women have to wait for a man to propose?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think it's semantics. I was very clear with my husband that I wanted to marry him. [b]But it was important to me that he actively decide that he wanted this too. So I waited for him but it was like waiting for him to be in the same place that he knew I was in. [/b]I think for a lot of couples it is not out of thin air, just that women tend to know first and then the guy has to decide he's on board too.[/quote]

This is the tough part.  There is signaling by the woman that she wants to marry the guy, but there isn’t necessarily signaling by the guy that he is serious about wanting to get married (not in a vague someday kind of way) until he proposes if he is the type to go for the surprise.  I don’t if that’s because it’s tradition for the guy to ask that he doesn’t need to make his intentions clear until that moment or because the guy’s intention aren’t certain, woman want the guy to propose to know that he’s really all in.  Though this makes me wonder for a same sex couple how they get to the marriage decision without gender defined traditions.

Anyway, I’m torn on this tradition.  While I followed the script to some extent, I was also clear early on that if we didn’t know for sure by a certain point, that we needed to move on.  I didn’t want the Harry Met Sally situation where you date 10 years and breakup for him to marry the next woman within 2 years and “when he said he didn’t want to get married, what he meant was he didn’t want to marry me”.  I’ve seen guys use “the proposal” as a power trip, like the more the woman is pressuring, the more he delays - like a game of keep away.  And this is a couple that has been dating for many years.
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