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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'd like to hear some examples of where parents let their child fail (or potentially fail).   We had one example where a parent didn't help a child with a school project.  Are there other examples?  Other than with schoolwork, I'm having a hard time finding examples in my parenting and I don't really consider myself a "snowplow" parent.

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I think of it as benign neglect, as a friend put it.  I'm not all over my kids.  Weekend mornings, the older two (7 and 5) go play in the basement or backyard after breakfast, and most of what I do is tell them to work stuff out, should they come upstairs complaining.  Same if we go to the playground: I may play with them a bit, but mostly redirect them to do their own thing (the three year old gets more attention since he's three, but I still leave him to his devices as much as is feasible).  If they're bored, I tell them to find something to do.  I once helped my oldest create a list of stuff she could do when bored, but then it was on her to refer back to that.  With a few exceptions, I let them wear whatever they want.  If they complain later they were cold or hot or got a blister, we talk about what they could have done differently.  I don't think of it as failure so much as encouraging (strongly, at times) self-direction and self-discipline.  I imagine these examples will change as they get older, but for now, that's what it looks like in our house.

FWIW, the one thing I'm more explicit in teaching them about is emotional development and regulation, because I think that's absolutely foundational for later life.  We don't emphasize "academic" achievement in preschool and early elementary, but I care very, very much that they have tools for regulating themselves, they understand what emotions are, etc.  I think that's the kind of stuff that can really, really help kids be independent and flexible later on, and which gets very short shrift in many of these snowplow (and helicopter) situations.[/quote]

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