Reply to Foster-to-adopt or adopt an older child. Advice please.

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Thank you, guys. Lots of good info and things to consider + additional avenues for research.

As to why we want to adopt, it's pretty straightforward -- both DH and I believe that every kid deserves a family that loves them unconditionally and cares for them. It's beyond messed up that some kids don't get a stable home and we'd like to provide one for a child that needs it. The thing that concerns me more than anything about foster-to-adopt would not necessarily be that the child goes back to their bio family, if/when that's what's best for them (even though that would be plenty hard), but that we might have to return them to a bad situation, because the law says so. I've read several blogs/testimonials from foster parents in that situation.

Anyways, I'll keep researching/will read the books that a few of you recommended, then will take it from there.[/quote]

Not all situations kids go back to are bad.  Often, the parents clean up their act and do what they need to do as they want their kids back so they go back.  If you want to adopt, you need to do a straight adoption.  Fostering is about reunification and adoption is supposed to be the last resort.  Most of those foster blogs are extremely bias by people wanting both a cheap adoption AND the benefits - stipend/medicaid that come with adoption out of foster care vs. an international or newborn or other adoption.  They are strictly in it to adopt and are going to bash the parents.  Parents may not be perfect but most kids even if its not a great situation would much prefer to go to their parents vs. being adopted. If you want to help, you become a foster parent and support reunification - that is truly helping.  Adoption is often a selfish act for you.  [/quote]

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