Reply to Foster-to-adopt or adopt an older child. Advice please.

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Reply to "Foster-to-adopt or adopt an older child. Advice please."

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[quote=Anonymous]Just know that adoptuskids and similar sites do not post all the information they know about the kid and try to paint the kid in the best possible light. Any kid on there is not being adopted by the foster family or birth parents or other foster homes the agency already knows of. Why not? Often because the kid has significant needs. For example if you see "needs a structured routine" expect the kid will have trouble on many family outings and holidays and other times the routine is disrupted. "Would be best as a youngest or only child" can be code for "has abused other kids." etc. etc. If you are going to adopt a waiting child, be prepared that the child could have serious and long-lasting mental health issues stemming from abuse/neglect, multiple moves, the heritable aspects of some mental illnesses, prenatal substance exposure, and more. Will that be the case with all kids? Absolutely not, but it is probably the majority of kids on adoptuskids. Is this a reason not to adopt? Also no, but you need to be prepared. If you cannot fathom calling mental health crisis lines, having the police at your house, getting calls to pick up your raging kid from school, needing to take time off work to deal with crises, having a child hospitalized for mental health issues, having a child who will do damage to your home or belongings then this is not for you. Not all kids in care have these issues. But enough do that if you cannot tolerate these things, you should not adopt a waiting child. I think foster to adopt can in some cases be less traumatic for the kids (since they are going right from their home to the permanent placement) and waiting children tend to have more extreme needs (since they've been in care longer, moved more, and since kids with more severe needs are more likely to have their foster families unwilling to adopt them). But all kids need families, so if you are able to do it you definitely should![/quote]

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