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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]He likely could be diagnosed, but it's not your job to diagnose him or push him to seek one.  Please realize, though, that if you go back to work this arrangement you currently have will fall apart.  I strongly recommend marriage counseling, probably just in general and definitely to discuss division of labor if you go back to work.  For example, you need to agree on a couple what activities the kids will do, what housework is important and who does it, etc.  You are a team, and if he wants to scale back his financial contribution -- which is totally reasonable -- that needs to be part of a team effort in which he steps up in other areas.  He doesn't just scale back his work and garden while you do everything around the house.

I am married to someone who is similar in some ways, likely diagnosable but generally presents as a man-child.  Marriage counseling helped.  Good luck.[/quote]

Like I said, the biggest problem is that he doesn’t recognize he has a problem. I’ve brought up marriage counseling multiple times, and he has shot that down each time.  I can’t win any argument and for my own sanity’s sake, I have stopped trying. Our marriage saver was when I stopped working and took over the household/childcare realm.  In his defense, he is not a complete man child as he makes a good salary, and he is handy, takes out the trash, plays with the kids.

But yeah. Your point is well taken that if I go back to work full time, it will all fall apart. He knows it on some level, because he doesn’t want me to go back to work. But I think it also stresses him out to be the sole financial provider, and to feel stuck doing something he dislikes for such a big part of his life.[/quote]

He doesn't have to recognize that he "has a problem."  He does have to recognize that his choices have an impact on the family he chose to create with you.

So he takes out the trash and fixes things, but can't keep the kids' needs organized, or do laundry or cook competently.  He is capable of bringing home most of the HHI, but doesn't want to do that either because he "dislikes" it.  But he doesn't want you go work because he knows that he can't run the household.

I suggest that you get therapy for yourself.[/quote]

He’s not quitting his job or scaling back yet. I just know that it is what he ultimately wants to do, and of course he would prefer sooner than later. But he wouldn’t do it until we were financially ready.[/quote]

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