Reply to How hard to find a 1/2 time boyfriend in early 40s?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Op, this is harder than You’d think.  I’m you.  Divorced, have 2 older elementary kids.  I want a regular exclusive relationship with a guy with no expectation of marriage.  Just fabulous sex and fun when we are together... no meeting my kids, no meeting his kids.

This is easy to find for a few months.  Then around the 3-4 month mark, they all start falling in love. Want to meet kids.  Talk marriage.  Uggggghhhh.  Sorry, I don’t want that.

Mark my word.  The men fall hard and fast, and they are needy and want someone to take care of them.  [/quote]

Man here. My advice to men - the way to avoid being desperate, needy, and catching feelz from your FWB is to have [i]more than one FWB[/i]. My advice to women - if you want a man who is not needy and will not catch feelz from you, you'll have to compromise on the exclusive/monogamy thing. If you are not 100% of his pussy supply, then he won't be all desperate to lock you down.[/quote]

14:23 here. Men talk a good game about non-monogamy, but like you, they assume they’ll be the ones screwing around. The last guy I dated shed tears when he confronted me after seeing me on a date with someone else and finding a receipt for sex toys he didn’t buy. We had never had a talk about monogamy, but, of course, he assumed. Because women just aren’t biologically capable of wanting variety, amirite? A lot of men think they own women and have been lied to about female sexuality. The truth is no one is freer with more options than a woman who doesn’t want marriage or kids or even to move in. Men react like brats to that.[/quote]

I am the PP who said that. I agree that it is difficult for men to do non-monogamy. It is a lot of work. Most men are lazy and want to lock down a woman for guaranteed, low-effort sex* (or at least, that's what he thinks he's going to get, though any formerly married man should know better). It is a lot of work to chase women - you have to stay in shape, dress well, be fun and interesting, keep approaching and getting rejected, etc. - and eventually most men get tired of it.

I also agree that it is trivially easy for women to be non-monogamous. It is also obvious, from observation and experience, that women get bored. Furthermore, moving in together will accelerate the process of her getting bored, not least because that's when the man starts getting lazy as I noted above. He thinks, "I won, game over".

I don't regard myself as immune to the above issues, but at least I'm aware of them.

* Forget all this "they want someone to take care of them" crap. Men want sex. If they get that, they won't care if you're cooking and cleaning or not.[/quote]

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