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[quote=Anonymous]We’ve gone in circles with DS, who is a HS junior.

Take away the phone and let her detox for a couple weeks. I am always surprised how much nicer my kid is without it.  She will kick and scream and tell you her life is over.  But, you will see a big improvement in a couple days.  Flip phones work fine to call you for a ride.

I do believe that iPhones are addictive and some kids, like my DS, have trouble regulating themselves. And need help learning.  My DD OTOH is a freshman, and has never had issues with the iPhone. So, she has fewer rules and restrictions.

Lock down the iPhone. There is a setting built into the phone where they need your permission to download an app.  If one of my kids wants to add an app, I get a pop up and have to approve it.

The new Screentime feature is also nice. I set the downtime from my phone, and it locks after, say, 8 at night until 7 the next morning.  It also lets me limit them to a set amount of social media time, entertainment time, games, etc. per day, then it blocks those apps. I can also see from my phone how long each app was accessed.   If they are not home, they can request an extension and I get a pop up on my phone.

Non-negotiable: phones charge on our dresser at night. If it doesn’t, or they “forget,” the kid can’t take it to school the next day.

Also non-negotiable: we removed the internet browser from the iPhone. So DS is limited to the apps we approve and can’t get into other interweb trouble.  DD has the browser on her phone, because she has not used her phone to ahhmmm... access porn. More than once. Or twice *facepalm*

Also non-negotiable: I have thumb print access to phones, and kids know that I can and will check behind them. In reality, I don’t very often.  And texting  has not been a problem with my kids,  so I rarely do more than quickly skim texts.

I realize this seems very hard as.  Especially for a 16 year old. And I don’t like to make rules ipthat aren’t needed.  And my kids usually have freedom up to the point they have shown they can’t handle it.  For whatever reason, DS manages his freedom well everywhere else, but is a disaster with the iPhone.  So rules.

OP, they have upgraded the tools on the iPhone, with parental controls, and especially screentime. It saves a lot of arguments if the phone automatically locks at a certain time, and you don’t have to chase the kid down and take it. Also, your kid can’t Snapchat from a phone without the app. And does not have a God given right to an iPhone. She’s a minor. Presumably, you pay for it. Take it away if rules are broken.

OP— iPhone use has been, by far, the hardest part of parenting DS. Who is a great kid otherwise. So I have enormous sympathy. But, at some point, you need to parent up. All the rules in the world are useless if you don’t enforce them. [/quote]

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