Reply to If you were a mean middle schooler way back when...why?

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[quote=Anonymous]OP, I'm so sorry to hear about your kid. Put everything in writing to the Principal and name names. Put it in the school and demand better classroom management. Let me know if you want more tips because I had to go all mama bear to fix the situation for my child.

The bullies are usually reacting to something at home.

A few examples I've seen:

One of the lead bully's mom is a quintessential mean girl and a relentless climber, but of course she doesn't think she is. Both mom and daughter are major ass kissers and suck up big time to teachers, admin, anyone they think is important or who could help them. The mom makes catty, vicious remarks to those she doesn't see as important. I've also seen her walk over to a group of two people and make eye contact only with the "important" person until the other is just cut out and walks away. It's subtle but once you see it you know to look for it. At first I thought the mom was so friendly and wonderful, but then I started seeing how she treated others. I began to steer clear of her and then later on her daughter severely bullied my daughter until I raised cain with the school to put a stop to it.

A friend of my daughter's got caught up in this when the bully & co gave her an ultimatum to either be friends with them OR my daughter but not both. The friend stopped associating with my daughter. We were very close with this friend's family for years. Vacationed together, hung out a lot, etc. I tried talking to the mom and the mom said she would look into it. Never got back to me then I saw her at an event and she told me my daughter was weird and basically used the she had it coming defense. The kids are friends again but we barely hang out with the parents. I now see how she'll excuse abhorrent behavior that harms my family if she thinks her family has something to gain. It was eye opening for me.

Some other kids at school who one of the admins spilled to me (yes, I know she shouldn't have) that their parents aren't raising them right and they're learning these behaviors at home. This is one of the issues that affects upper elementary and middle and high schools. It's a major factor for why peer group is important.

One of my cousins could be really nasty to other kids and try to organize us to pick on a certain kid. I remember telling her to knock it off because it was mean one time and she backed down and just ignored the other kid instead. Her parents and grandparents had serious control issues/dysfunction and her parents had a miserable marriage. It's sad but she's turned into a catty, petty adult. I have to stop her when she gets in that mode. We used to be close but now we're not because I pulled away. She and her husband are just not nice people.

Countless others with unhappy home lives. I haven't seen a single case where there wasn't a known issue at home. Not saying it doesn't happen, but I haven't seen it.

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