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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
[quote]How long were DH and his wife divorced before you met DH and started dating? Was there any overlap?

How long after the divorce did the kids meet you? 
[/quote]

The kids have known me for many years,  long before their parents divorced.  We didn't have a close relationship,  but I've been to their birthday parties since they were toddlers and they've been playing with my kids for years.  It isn't like I suddenly appeared in their life as a stranger.

[/quote]

Not the PP you're responding to. New poster.

The fact they already knew you doesn't necessarily mean his kids will be more comfortable with your new role in their lives than if you were a stranger. You seem to feel that should be the case--they know you and your kids so this should be easier....In fact, depending on the individual kid, the fact that someone they saw around the fringes of their previous lives is now acting as a parent may be more, not less, confusing and painful than a total stranger appearing for a total reset.

I think you might not believe that, and it's clear you have certain expectations for this family that aren't panning out. I agree with others that the place for change is in your expectations and reactions.

OP, have you been to any individual counseling or therapy yourself? Or any couples counseling with DH? Rather than family therapy with the kids--which will feel like a chore to his two kids at this point and will make them resent you for "making" them go even IF dad says he wants it--I'd get parenting counseling with DH, with a focus on expectations and strategies for how you respond (or...do not respond) to things like the oldest child's "accusations." It could really help you, and DH, to have a professional third party to talk with about how and how not to bring the kids together. If DH doesn't want to do counseling, do it solo.[/quote]

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