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[quote=Anonymous]Echo what alla the previous posters are saying.  Honestly, maybe you and DH as a couple should go to therapy about blended families and get on the same page.  In my experience of having siblings with a huge age gap and having my dad remarry when I was an adult and the new wife refer to my newborn as her granddaughter when we had never even met

1. When I was a middle schooler, I was not interested in doing things with my much younger siblings.  I feel like social accepatance (or not) and being able to have friends that didn’t turn on me the next month, and getting to hang out with my friends was my everything.  There was also so much instability with social groups that I couldn’t imagine also if my parents had divorced in the middle or that.

2. Most large families are either bringing the younger one to tag along with the older one’s activities or divide and conquer.  At the age the older kids are old enough to stay home by themselves, they will typically opt not to go to younger siblings activities.

3. oh and siblings often fight like cats and dogs and if you are lucky appreciate each other once they are out of the house.  I’m not sure why you are imagining a Von Trapp like family ideal with siblings all hanging out and bursting into song.

4. When my dad remarried and the woman started off with my grand baby I thought slow your roll.  You don’t know me and I don’t know you.  Op you are putting way to much pressure to get to the end state and not putting in the time to get to know your step kids and them to know you.  Did your start off date one with your now DH with “okay we are going to be married so as your future  wife, we should do x”?  Or did you get to know him first?  Having some opportunities to bring his kids to different activities, support them, get to know them is important.  I know someone that when her DH was on travel and she was primarily responsible for her step kids, it changed the dynamic for the better - they were in it together.

5. Agree that there has to be a basic level of respect with stepkids and kids in general will test boundaries.   Maybe marriage counseling with focus on blended family would help you and DH figure out an approach.
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