Reply to Still crying at age 11?

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Reply to "Still crying at age 11?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Thanks all. This is OP. I agree I was being unfair, fwiw. But she cries even when there’s no unfairness, that was just the most recent example.  I just wanted to know that it is in the range of normal, as I don’t remember being so emotional at that age. SO it’s good to hear that it’s normal. We’ll just accept it as part of who she is.[/quote]

While I agree it in the range of normal.[b]  I do think you want to help her express her feelings in a health way and develop coping mechanisms for her to manage her strong feelings.[/b]  I think my kid who similarly lacks superior emotional control has a touch of anxiety. Her proclivity to cry shouldn't be ignored entirely as she'll do better in life if she develops skills to handle her strong emotions.  You should be helping her with that through the tween and teen years.  How do you normally react when she cries?  Does she feel "heard" when she expresses her feelings?[/quote]
Yes, this. You can't have a conversation about it in the moment, but you do need to talk with her at some neutral time about strategies to manage her emotions. Yes, it is okay to cry, but sometimes it is better to be able to choose not too.

Also, there are situations which really aren't deserving of a strong emotional reaction. Even though you say you were being unfair, were you really? Is her brother younger and has a harder time transitioning? Was she just at a good stopping point and he wasn't? Maybe you were unfair. Did you do it deliberately to hurt her? Or was it just a normal human interaction with a spur of the moment reaction that could be perceived as unfair? Yes, she is a teen and everything is really magnified and all about her. But this is the type of situation for children to learn to build resilience to life's small challenges. She will encounter bigger challenges and really unfair situations in the future, and to get through them, she needs to not crumple under the "unfairness" of it. [/quote]

This is OP. You have both captured what my concern is - even if it is unfair, to react with tears over something trivial like a few minutes of extra game time is worrying. She is generally very brave and strong, so when she has these strong reactions to discipline (or not even always discipline, just enforcement of house rules), it surprises me and makes me worried whether she will be able to handle bigger disappointments in life. She does occasionally have these reactions in front of other kids, but those seem more understandable (fight with a friend, being embarrassed). How do we curb crying/overly emotional reactions without making her feel like expressing emotion is bad or that there is something wrong with her? We have talked about it after some of these episodes, but here we are still.[/quote]

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