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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]https://www.nytimes.com/2018/12/20/well/family/the-power-of-the-little-comment-in-mother-daughter-relationships.html

I found it very spot on. Mother-daughter relationships are the best and the worst of human connection and dynamics. I appreciated the way she articulated this.

"My mother understands me better than anyone, and I crave her approval more than anyone else’s. I could recite her entire value system if I were in a coma. Every meal needs a salad, music is good and sport is suspect, children should learn a stringed instrument, sleeping late is a moral failing. She doesn’t actually need to criticize. She did her job so effectively 30 years ago that now she need only raise an eyebrow and I fill in the blanks on autocomplete."[/quote]

This is 100% true. I adore my mom, but she's the queen of the little comment/look. I can still remember things she said to me as a kid. Ex: you'll never really be a thin person (and I was only ever at most 15 lbs overweight), you would be an excellent lawyer but probably not a good doctor, etc. I know what sort of mood she's in by how she says "hello" on the phone when I call her.

Oh and I can also recite her value system even if I were in a coma: organic is always good, one must exercise 6 days a week, check the expiration date on everything before you buy it, sleeping past 7:30am is a character failure--as is sitting down for too long--and always put things in their final destination (aka mail goes either in the recycling bin or filed away, not on the counter). When I'm doing things, I can hear her voice in my head, correcting me. If I try to cut corners somehow, I can hear her saying, "Don't be lazy. If you're going to do it, do it right."

I *still* crave her approval and I'm 32 years old and married with a kid. I don't know if that will ever go away.  [/quote]

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