Reply to Anyone have three kids and consider themselves ambitious/ in a competitive career?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I have four kids and work PT as a physician at a major academic center.  I still feel like I achieve things at work, although maybe not on the timeline I would if I didn’t have children.
  But I switched to part time not long after I had my first.  It didn’t have anything to do with having four kids.  [b]It seems to me that as long as you have childcare figured out, it doesn’t matter if you have one or six.[/b]  I guess there is some extra cooking and laundry, but that’s easy enough to hire out.  [/quote]

OP here. I have a fairly ambitious/demanding career track, as does my partner. We both have flexible hours though so we can be home by 5, one (usually him) before, and work after the kids go to bed. We are both very hands on parents. We have two kids, I have seen both of their first steps, first words, and other milestones.

Here's the thing about three kids, logistically. The oldest is doing about six different activities, all of which he loves, and I like being able to be there. Youngest is too young for all that, but I hope by the time it's their turn the oldest will have narrowed things down a bit. I guess I have difficulty imagining how adding another kid would figure into that equation. I don't want my kid to spend their whole childhood with a nanny or au pair picking them up, driving them around, cooking with them. I know a young woman like that and she is closer to the person who raised her than to her mother. I feel like a lot of conversations about feelings and big conversations happen in the car, and as they get older I know that will be even more important.

It sounds like most people with two FT working parents and three kids have a lot of outside help. I'm ambivalent about that. If we could have three without stretching ourselves too thin, I might consider that -- we both don't have much family around, and I like the thought of the kids having each other. But it seems like each kid would have less parental attention.[/quote]

So right now, you drive one kid around while your husband stays at home with the other kid or vice versa?  And you are thinking that if you have a third, then you will both have to stay home and get an au pair to drive the kids?  No.  You will just take the baby to karate class and play peekaboo.  I suppose it’s less attention, but does anyone really need to have their mother staring at them intently throughout soccer practice?  
Now, you may need to hire out someone to do the laundry, but I don’t think you need a bunch of extra childcare for a third child.  The reason you are seeing responses about getting a lot of childcare is because you asked about having an ambitious career as the default parent on a website where people routinely work 60+ hours a week.  If you asked about households with two spouses who are home by 5pm every night, I think you would see different responses.   [/quote]

We do routinely work 60+ hours a week. Kids are in bed by 7 and we are back at it soon after.

As for the third, the problem is not necessarily with a baby or even a toddler. The problem is when one has this activity on one side of town and the other had something else and the third has another thing, add in increased social activities and travel for music/sports,  x7 days a week. It's not just the activities, too. It's homework, practice at home, and emotional needs. I definitely think you will need at least one person per kid unless you want to leave them in aftercare or have a nanny/au pair doing most of the shuttling around.

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