Reply to Do you believe there is such a thing as a divorce contagion?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]A divorce in the circle won't infect a happy couple but it will push a tentative/ unhappy one over the edge[/quote]

Agree with this.   Bil’s best friend got a divorce.  A couple of years later he did too.  I don’t think their marriage was that bad.  SIL was somewhat anxious and controlling, and BIL felt under appreciated.  They seemed to have pretty minimal problems that most people would try counseling for.  I’ve often wondered if seeing his friend come out the other side of divorce was a factor.  Just sucks when their are kids involved. [/quote]

Did he quickly move on to someone else?[/quote]

Yep.  An old high school friend.  Both in their mid-forties.  Been together a few years now.  She seems to not ask for too much from him.  They're just dating.  They don't live together and there's no talk of marriage as far as I know.  She doesn't have kids and seems okay with that.  He has a daughter from the marriage who I believe has no idea about the girlfriend.  Neither does the ex-wife.

As far as I know, they started dating when he was separated.  I don't think she was the cause of the divorce, but I think she made it easier for him to go through with it, knowing he had a companion to fall back on.  She's actually somewhat similar to SIL in terms of looks, but is just alot more relaxed about life.  BIL often said he felt like an underappreciated employee in his marriage.   He works non-standard hours (think like a police officers or hospital worker's schedule), and SIL often put expectations on him like he was a SAH spouse because he was around during the week sometimes.  It just seemed like the sort of thing that could have been worked out, especially since I know SIL did not want the divorce.   Part of the issue I'm sure, is that BIL and DH's mother is kinda crazy, and they both learned from a young age to not ask for anything because that will just get them yelled at.   I think BIL just went along with everything until he couldn't take it anymore, and then he bailed.

I'd be lying if I didn't say that it makes me concerned for my own marriage.  We're certainly not a perfect pair, but I think we're doing okay.  [/quote]

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