Reply to Tell Me About Being an Only Child

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I am an only child and feel I missed out on sharing, accommodating others and developing social skills related to that. As a result, I think I go the other way in my adult life. I can't say no.

An only child can have an active social life with friends outside of the home, so this is not a concern. But when it matters most, ie, in the most intimate functioning of a household, they will necessarily be the center of attention. Their needs are guaranteed to be a priority. Parents can become suffocating, especially in the teen years. There may be a lot more pressure to succeed, because it's the parents' one and only chance.

And the reality is that these tendencies are nearly impossible to change, OP. I've seen my friends with onlies behave in the same way my parents behaved. Their children are all to some degree coddled and unconsciously self-centered because it's so hard to do otherwise.

So I don't have much advice really, except to suggest that you need to watch for your child's ability to accommodate other people's needs, yet also learn to stand their ground when need be. Something to substitute for that sibling relationship. Perhaps get your child to sleepover camps, promote close friendships, get your child into activities that will become a second family for years. Something like that.
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I'm the above PP following up. My two children are 5 years apart, so for the five years of his life, my oldest was an only child. When my second was born, and as she grew, I felt distinctly that there was less pressure on my firstborn, and that I wasn't constantly thinking about "just" him. Instead of having everything to themselves, both kids have learned to share and negotiate. I think we have a healthier dynamic now.

The PP against anecdotal data is perfectly right, of course. But it can be valuable to go beyond statistics and listen to people's stories.  [/quote]

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