Reply to DH constantly getting into power struggles with teen DD

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Reply to "DH constantly getting into power struggles with teen DD"

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[quote=Anonymous]Yes, this! OP isnt arguing DD should be allowed to dawdle and sulk to her hearts content- of course DD needs to be ready on time or face consequences. but OP is rightly concerned that her DH is taking normal teen behavior and overreacting to it, letting everything turn into stupid power struggles that just damage relationships. The choice isn’t between letting DD be a disrespectful slacker versus coming down hard and leaving her standing on the curb. It’s between teaching her the right way and teaching her the wrong way. DH is doing it wrong.

As someone said earlier, the right way is pretty simple— apskip the criticism and the judgment and just make it easy. “DD, I don’t want to be your case about getting ready in the morning and I don’t want you biting my head off. That stinks for both of us. I promise to stop nagging you, but from now on, departure is at 7, ready or not, okay? If you’re there you’re there, and if you’re not you’ll have to walk.”

That models respectful and firm behavior and DD will very quickly realize that if she doesn’t want to walk, she needs to be on time, no fighting, no yelling, no criticizing, just establishing expectations and being firm. Everyone keeps their self respect, no one “loses.” That’s authoritative parenting, not permissive, not authoritarian, and a whole lot more likely to produce healthy, self-regulating teens with healthy relationships with their parents.

Someone started another thread on good books for raising teens. Don’t recall them all, but one was “Yes your teen is crazy,” by Michael Bradley, and I think one was by the woman who wrote “How to Talk so Kids will Listen.”

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