Reply to My head and my heart can’t agree on 50/50 custody

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Just let him fail and slowly move to more custody for youself
 He isn't going to change who he is and actually start doing the work.

[/quote]

IME, this is how it works.  My Ex made all the same promises, but he just wasn’t capable of it.  In the end, I just kept picking up the ball when he dropped it.  In my situation, he never made a place for the kids to sleep, so we never transitioned to 50/50 physical custody, but I did facilitate 50/50 visitation.  Over time he even dropped some visitation with the kids when he got married, which was very painful to them.  He still sees them several times a week, but visitation is largely facilitated by me.  I do all parenting and doc appts, activities,etc., which definitely has hurt my career and income.  But, it gives the kids a very stable life.  Kids do better with 2 involved parents, but at a minimum they need one stable parent who gets them and whom they can count on.

You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make them drink.  Allow the chance at full custody.  IMO, don’t bother to go back to court to modify.  When he can’t do things, be prepared to step in quietly to “help out”.  If he can’t manage, you will find your custody arrangement evolving to less physical custody to him, probably with kids staying more with you on weekdays so they can be successful in school.

But, warning DO NOT trade time away on the weekends when he says he is unable to do weekday parenting.  It is not healthy for you to be the parent who does all the chores and has no fun time with kids.

My kids are in HS now.  They love him.  They spend time with him.  But they see how horribly irresponsible he is as a parent.  I think they wish he were different, but realize he cannot be and that, although it affects them, they are not the reason he can’t be more.[/quote]

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