Reply to Do you help plan Christmas if you don't host?

Forum Index » Family Relationships

Reply to "Do you help plan Christmas if you don't host?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]If you stay with family for Christmas, do you get any say? Or do you just defer to what the host wants to do and eat? We have kids and I want to include things that they’d enjoy on Christmas Eve or Christmas, but my ideas get shot down/ there are already other things planned. Even things like leaving cookies for Santa don’t happen.

Talking to friends this seems an issue with inlaws more than parents. Parents only seem to seek their daughter’s advice and never consult their son or son’s wife. My SILs spend days planning the menu with my MIL. 
[/quote]

Op, do you realize that "help plan" and "have a say" in your context are wildly different things. Help plan = discuss with host how you could HELP: which dish is not covered yet that you could cook at home and bring, picking up ice or something else on the way, discussing who would supervise kids, help set the table, clean up and dish leftovers. That's helping to plan.

"having a say" in your context is dictating your preferences to the host. In no way this is helpful or related to "help".  I don't know your family, and why cookies thing is not practiced by the host. Maybe there are ants in the house or her kids are pre-diabetic.  Maybe she has no cleaning service and picking up cookie crumbs all over the house after hosting family Xmas is a bit too much for her.  Could be something else. But they are a host, and if they don't want it - as a civilized guest you'll have to respect it.

Please don't kid yourself about being "helpful" with your suggestions. Your whims are yours alone and don't help anybody.[/quote]

Wow. If your ILs attitude are anything like the above you need to stop making the effort to spend holidays with them. Remember your children deserve to have nice memories of Christmas too, and before you know it they'll be all grown up. If ILs are so dysfunctional that they insist all plans must be dictated by them, you're doing your children a disservice by appeasing them.

Go visit on the 26th and enjoy a beautiful Christmas at home with your children. [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics