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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]No, no say. We just go and they tell us what to do. It happens a lot with younger siblings, and you don't say whether your dh is younger or older. In my family, only the oldest sibling matters, in other families only the daughter or son matters.

[b]In functional families there will be more.compromise and coordinated planning. In dsyfunctional families, it's more authoritarian.[/b][/quote]

In a functional family, you would say that you'd like to have the kids leave cookies out for Santa, and people would consider whether that contradicted or precluded some other important tradition, realize that it didn't, and say fine.  You might volunteer to bring the cookies if they don't have any.

In a functional family, you'd say that you'd really like to make your family's special potatoes for the meal, and the host would think about whether that was wildly inappropriate based on the menu she was planning, realize it wasn't, and say fine.  Or she'd say that her family has their own special potato recipe, and ask if there was another dish you'd like to bring.

The people responding that you shouldn't expect any input into celebrating a major holiday with your in-laws come from dysfunctional families.  Unless you're asking for big changes to their holiday traditions or demanding rather than discussing, it's totally reasonable to make some suggestions and requests.  [/quote]

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