Reply to How does marriage counselin work if I go by myself and am no longer in love with DW but no affair?

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Reply to "How does marriage counselin work if I go by myself and am no longer in love with DW but no affair?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]No I haven't asked DW to go. I think the biggest problem right now is as my feelings towards the woman grows I'm drifting farther apart from DW. And I don't want to talk about this with my wife present because it's really my own problem to solve.

And I'm usually indecisive.[/quote]
This is funny. You think that you are no longer in love with your DW but claim you aren't in an emotional affair, even though you are falling in love with another woman??

I'll give you the Stephen Covey advice. A man came up to him at a conference and said, "I no longer love my wife. What should I do?" Covey response, "love your wife." [b]Love is an action, not just a feeling. So engage in loving actions toward your wife. Amazingly, it often helps bring the loving feelings back.[/b] Or as my therapist told someone in our group: fake it til you make it.[/quote]

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]And I don't want to break up my family (divorce) either. DW hasn't been happy but I doubt it's bad enough for her to leave. She's faithful as far as I know, so am I except there's a woman I'm having a strong feeling for right now. How would a marriage counselor help me if I went by myself and without letting DW know about it?[/quote][b]You need to make active steps to re-establish intimacy with your wife.  Start by weekly dates.  Add in a daily activity you do together without other members of the family.  If you divide a conquer things at home, undo some of that and do some of the tasks together. Figure out a way to get way at least overnight, just the two of you.[/b][/quote]

thank you PPs for the good advice. i now have a good idea where to start and be successful (without even going to a therapist!), just need the mental strength to change course and take necessary actions. but i know i'm not ready yet because 1) the feeling i have for that other woman, and 2) deep down i'm still hurt from what DW did to me before (not affairs) and i guess i never really forgive her. both will take some time to be resolved.[/quote]

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