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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I had a sister who was about 14.5 years older than me. She was murdered by her estranged husband after they had separated and were in the process of divorcing. She was 22 and I was almost 8. The [b]court ordered her to take their baby for visitation and he killed her and committed suicide during one of those visits.[/b] He left the baby alone.  [b]She told my dad and older brother (one year younger than her) that she thought my BIL was going to kill her. They told her not to be silly and paranoid[/b]. My dad carried the guilt of not listening to her to his grave and my brother, who is nearly 60 now still carries some guilt.

Fast forward a few years to the summer I turned 15. I helped my grandmother clean out closets in her house because she wanted to sell it and downsize. I found a box of paper...one of those big boxes that (in those days) typing paper came in...I guess now it would be printer paper. I opened it and it was filled with sheets my sister had written as a journal. It detailed times my brother in law had beaten her, chased her out of their apartment in his underpants so he could beat her some more etc. It was in some ways cathartic for me to read because it helped me understand what I hand't known before and that was my BIL didn't just snap one day. There was a lot of lead up to what he did. I showed the box to my mom who then burned its contents which I think was sort of dumb, but not my call.

Generally speaking, I don't think most people just snap. There are little things leading up to it along the way. It's important to pay attention and notice the little things without becoming paranoid in the process.[/quote]

Do people not see?  The law couldn’t foresee partner violence - the law forced this woman to continue to visit her ex.  She even told her father and brother she thought he would kill her.  Even when there are signs and women do know, the culture, the law and our closest family don’t protect us, don’t support us in listening to our self-protective voice.

I stayed with a partner who could have been violent to me or dangerously negligent to my kids, precisely because of this reason — because my attorney told me that he would receive 50% custody, without a doubt.  His mental illness diagnosis would not factor into custody until he beat or sexually assaulted me or the child, and then you would have asked, why didn’t she the signs? Why didn’t she leave?  Even when we do see the signs, there are so many pressures to stay and so little real help.[/quote]

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