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[quote=Anonymous][quote]...My FU did not mean follow up. It meant FU for blaming the victim. It took 4 YEARS before my BF threatened to beat me the first time. I had no way of knowing he would do that and no way to differentiate his loving behavior from those of other boyfriends who didn’t end up beating me. My friends nor his knew about the abuse nor predicted so why should I have?

Those of you who would like to believe there are signs, want to believe so because then you can tell yourself that you would never be in an abusive relationship because you would Be smart enough to see the signs and those of us who were abused were simply stupid or had low self-esteem. You are delusional. This can happen to any woman. I’m so glad I had no kids and a large enough nest egg that I could hire a lawyer and force the sale or refinancing of our jointly owned home, that I could afford to walk away from the $30k I put down and that I had friends and family who provided shelter for me while I worked out moving out.

There but for the grace of god you could go......[/quote]

No, I will not be in an abusive relationship - ever.  I grew up with a horrifically violent, abusive father.  I recognize the signs and have been very careful in my choice of who I had relationships (romantic and non-romantic) with.

You continue to fail to recognize the contradictions in your posts.  Unless your loved one develops mental illness, the signs of an unhealthy relationship are there.  They just don't develop overnight and unless action is taken, it will escalate.  That action, at a minimum, should include relationship counseling.  While it may take you a while to recognize it, an unhealthy relationship just doesn't happen overnight.  I'm not accusing anyone of being stupid or having low self-esteem, just continuing to make poor choices. Claiming that it can happen to anyone is a cop out.  No one deserves to be abused and it is always wrong but it's BS to say, 'there but for the grace of god go I'.

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