Reply to Your MIL doesn't hate you if you are a woman, you hate her.

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. Not a MIL and don't have a MIL, the way I read all the posts here is that DILs are constantly nit picking, pulling apart every single word and action of their MILs. Ok, so it is not sexual, but it is a competition for whom DH loves more, in the eyes of DILs. DILs are insecure, and as another pp pointed out, fighting for their place as top woman in the family. Hence posts about wanting to host events, and MILs being unhappy about it. Hence posts about MIL not changing DD's clothes one weekend, hence constant giving her my piece of mind posts. Some MILs might hate you, some might be insane, by but far it is my impression that DILs start nitpicking, never letting go of an issue and seeing wrong in any action. Hence proving to DH that she, his wife is better care giver, earner, housekeeper and any array of imagined acts she thinks she is being judged for, in hopes of alienating him from his mother. This is a dance as old as history of humans. DILs can't really help it for the most part. It is only as they grow older that they are able to relax about their place in the family. Hence this struggl is pretty normal. But, for most part MILs don't start it, they don't have to, they are top dog already, hence DILs start this dance.[/quote]

You say many DILs are insecure, and that could be. I say many MILs have a hard time letting go of their "baby boys" and [b]realizing that they are not, indeed, the "top dog" any longer, but are now secondary to a wife and children. So they hold on to the idea that they should still get to host all family events, that they should get input into how their son's family lives and how their grandchildren are raised, and that their sons should prioritize them above the wife and family.[/b] My MIL still can't get over the fact that her precious little boy (who is almost 40) is a married father and refuses to leave his family so that they can spend Christmas "just the two of them, just this once, like in the old days". [/quote]

Yeah, that's definitely at play in my scenario. I would love to know what goes on in my MIL's mind because she's usually near-impossible to read and she will pipe down to keep the peace. DH told her a long time ago that she and SIL don't come first for him anymore, and she was PISSED. I guess she got over it though -- she lives with us. She doesn't say anything to me about parenting (after one incident where I told her what was up), although she will comment to DH sometimes about his parenting. He tells her to stuff it. She was super pissed when we "relegated" her to our (really nice) in-law suite/apartment downstairs, but she's still there. I suspect it's worth it to her for the relationship with her grandchildren and closeness to her only local family besides my SIL (who just moved in literally within eyesight of our house....).

But yeah, I spend a lot of time reflecting on why I get so wrapped around the axle regarding MIL. Some of this makes sense, I think.[/quote]

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