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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, you said you were conflicted in your title, but then you said you’d never dream of kicking him out despite him being rude. What exactly are you conflicted about? [/quote]

I'm not sure what boundaries to set up or exactly how to approach it. One family meal a day together? Required therapy? How long before he has to get a job? Help pay HH expenses or do certain chores? Put in writing or not? We will offer help with mental health counseling (VA services are sparse) and probably a loan to get an inexpensive used car.
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NP.  OP, you are asking great questions.

I think you and your spouse need your own family counseling to help you figure it out.  Some of the behaviors your son is exhibiting are outside of typical for his age, and there may not be a quick fix to help him stabilize and get on track.

If you and your husband can work with a therapist specializing in relationships with adult children then I think it would be well worth the money.  Your home life is going to become more challenging with the change.  A family counselor for you and your spouse will help you work together to manage your expectations regarding your son as well as to maintain a good relationship as a couple.  Your company's EAP program or your own physician may be able to point you in the right direction to finding the right family counselor.  Especially since your son will be living in the house (not a space with its own entrance?), you will likely run into other issues after your son has moved in.  As parents, you need a resource you can turn to.

And, yes, three absolute conditions for your son needs to be that he begins and continues therapy, he needs to pay room and board (on a sliding scale) starting immediately, and that he gets a job within 3-4 months from the day he moves in.  I like the family meal idea because that is how you can monitor how he is adjusting.  If you give him a loan for the car then you need to make sure he pays the loan.

Good luck!  Your son is lucky to have you for parents and you are doing the right thing![/quote]

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